Chapter 12 - Fast Forward

🔴 TRIGGER WARNING - DRUG USE 🔴

This chapter will be a little different than the ones before. What happened after the night in chapter 11 night kind of tapered off into a not-so-exciting life for a while, so I'm going to generally touch on everything that did happen so I can get into when things really pick up. When I go to actually write and publish my book, I will get into more detail about everything I just skimmed over.

I didn't talk to Jessica again after that night. I didn't run into her until months later. Mason and I continued to talk, but I never let him know what was really going on. We got closer and talked often. Sometimes we'd even Skype each other while I was at my grandma's house.

I ended up getting a job at Sears as a part time cashier. While I was there, I continued to use. I would smoke on my lunch breaks. I'd crawl into the back of my car and smoke until I had to go back in. It didn't really affect my work performance. If anything, I was more anxious around customers.

About a month into my job at Sears, I went to Walmart on my lunch break to get a lighter and some food for my kids. We were broke, I was high, and I attempted to steal the food & lighter. I was caught and banned from Walmart for a year. I still have a charge on my permanent record for "theft of property" and it was only $4 worth of stuff. When I tell people that story, I usually leave out the lighter part. I was using it to get high and I never wanted to admit to that before.

After I got banned, I went to Michael's house instead of going back to work. I was high and he was disappointed. He tried to help me think of a plan and convinced me to just go back to work, although I had been gone for 3 hours at this point.

I went back and was greeted with glares and anger. I parked my car at another store and walked in, telling them I got a flat tire on my break. After I clocked out, I never went back.

I also met with Ethan again to get more dope, but it was always brief. I would meet him in town with money, he'd go to the plug and bring it back to me. One time I waited for him in the McDonald's parking lot. He pulled up next to me and threw the bag through my window and said "thank you, come again!" and drove off. I'm sure it looked suspicious as hell, but all I cared about was getting high.

I also taught myself how to make a pipe from a light bulb. I remember sitting in my closet with a towel, pliers and a clear light bulb. I peeled back the metal parts on the top and pulled the insides out. It's a very tricky thing to do without breaking it. I cleaned it out with salt and cut a straw in half to stick down in it. I'd smoke so much that I'd burn my fingers on the lighters, so I'd light a candle and hold the rig above it.

There weren't any more people to introduce and no big events going on. It would have been 3 or 4 semi-boring chapters. The next one will pick up early/mid September when things really started to go down hill and more people came into my life.

There was a week during all this time that I vowed to be clean. I tried to occupy myself by going to the mountain and hiking, or spending more time with Michael or my kids, but it didn't last long. Nothing compared to the feeling of being high.

That's really all I've got for this chapter. It will finally pick up again in chapter 13 and it will only get more intense from there.

Some chapters will be their own story instead of leading from one chapter into another. The reason is that when you're high, time doesn't really pertain to you. Days and nights blend in. Days of the week don't matter. Hours, minutes, seconds; it's just words when you're high. If I truly don't remember when something happened, but I remember the event itself, it will be it's own chapter. I hope that makes sense!

Thank you all for being a part of my story and being so supportive! Chapter 13 should be ready next Saturday at noon CST!