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🔴 TRIGGER WARNING - DRUG USE 🔴
Summer and I sat on the living room floor. She was facing the back of the house and I was facing the front. We thought we had heard someone outside, and she was certain it was Ty. My paranoia was through the roof. It was dark out and although the cameras were on and didn’t show anything, we were still certain someone was circling the house, just waiting for one of us to go see what was going on.
We spent hours sitting there whispering back and forth about Ty and how he would use women and their kindness to get everything he could out of them, then dump them in the streets, never to see him again. As she told me her story, I felt betrayed. I felt stupid. I felt used. I really considered Ty a good friend, but all along he was using me. I should have seen it. The signs were obvious, but my only concern was to help others, and that I did. Until I was no longer useful to them.
I’ve been told by a few people that I was too soft for the dope game. That I didn’t belong. They were right. I was too nice, too caring, and too naive. Maybe after a few more months, I could become cold and emotionless like the rest of them. Maybe I wouldn't care anymore. It hurt to imagine myself in such a way, but in the back of my mind, I knew it was inevitable.
After the night had passed and the sun was shining through the windows once again, I felt a sense of relief. Surely if someone was out there, they wouldn't have waited all night long. Although I had wasted the night being paranoid, at least I knew for sure I was safe now.
Troy came out of the bedroom and gave us odd looks before he went rummaging through the kitchen for a chainsaw.
“Why are y'all on the floor?”
“We heard someone outside, we thought it might be Ty.”
“What good is sitting on the floor going to do? Go run outside and beat his ass!”
“I didn’t see anything on the cameras though. Did you?”
“Nah, but I can go check if you want me to.”
I nodded. He slung the chainsaw over his shoulder and walked outside with a smirk. After a few minutes, he came back in to tell us that the coast was clear. No sign of anyone ever coming by. I decided to finally stand up, leaving my uncomfortable position against the back of the couch and step outside for a cigarette.
As I stood outside and took a deep breath of the fresh morning air, I saw Gio walking out of the woods. It caught me by surprise. His eyes were huge and he was constantly looking back and forth as he came closer to the house.
“You good?” I yelled across the yard.
“No, they were coming for me.”
“Who?”
“Two guys. I don’t know. They were in the woods. Hiding behind the trees. Mocking me all night. They were talking, calling me names, but they never showed up!”
“Gio… How long have you been awake?”
“5 days or something but Em, I swear they were there! I’m not crazy. They are following me. You need to be safe. Go! Hide!”
“Look, man, I was hiding all night. I think I’ll be fine. I got you. I’ll keep my baseball bat handy just in case. How about you go inside and lay down?”
“That’s a negative Ghostrider. Can’t do that. Not until they show up.”
“Well, okay then. Have fun with that.”
He walked past me and into the house. I just shook my head. Maybe we were being paranoid of each other all night? How crazy would that be? I mean, I knew I was paranoid, but he really needed to get some sleep or something. No one would hide in the woods all night to scare someone. Then again, we thought someone was outside of the house all night too. I had good reason to be wary though. Gio on the other hand was just spun out of his mind.
I put my cigarette out and walked into the guest room to see Gio doing the opposite of what he should be doing. He was setting up his rig for another shot. Another day of paranoia. I hated it when he got too far gone, but I knew better than to say anything.
Summer was on the bed with a syringe and her arm held out. I could tell she was getting frustrated. I walked over to her and carefully sat down. I saw spots of blood all over her arm. She was visibly upset. The syringe had a little blood mixed in with the dope, but it seemed like she couldn't do it herself. She put the cap back on it and threw it across the room. I went to go pick it up while she put her head into her hands and cried.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“No. God damnit, no. I’m so useless. I can’t even shoot myself up! Troy won’t help me either. I hate myself. How did I get here? An IV user who can’t even hit an obviously visible vein in her arm! I just want to get high!”
“What? Why won’t Troy help you? He does it for me all the time.”
“I don’t know. I don’t think he really likes me all that much. Last time I was here he told me he’d never help me again, but I don’t remember why.”
“Can Danni do it?”
“I mean, yeah, but he won’t let anyone touch me. He said if I’m going to shoot up, I’ve got to do it myself.”
I sat there for a second thinking about what she said. Why was it that Troy would help me, but not her?
“Wait, where is he? Isn’t he out in the woods being a mountain man or some shit?”
“Probably.”
“Okay, sit tight, I’m going to get Danni.”
I walked into the living room, looking out of the window to make sure Troy really was down the hill chopping trees. He was there, giving it hell. I walked to their room and knocked on the door. As I stepped in, I saw Danni laying in the bed on her phone.
“Hey, are you really busy right now? I need some help.”
“No, what’s going on?”
“Well, it’s Summer. Can you hit her, please? Troy won’t.”
“She’s going to have to hurry in case he comes back in.”
“Okay! Just a minute!”
I sprinted back across the house and motioned her to follow me. We quickly ran back to her room and shut the door behind us. I kept an eye out of the window while Danni helped her get her shot. Only a few minutes and she was done. I felt a little antsy myself because everyone was high but me. I mean, I was high but not as high as they were.
“Does he have any of my dope left, or did he use it all?”
“Um, let me check.”
Danni stood up on the bed and searched a little hidden compartment box they had on the wall behind a shelf. Maybe I would try to do it myself because I felt awkward asking her after she just helped Summer. I wasn’t sure, but the more I thought about it the more I felt that I needed it.
“Yeah, you’ve got a good 30 point in here. If you want to mix it up real fast, I will hit you, but DON’T let him know, okay?”
“Ah, really! Okay!”
I scrambled to find my point and get a shot glass full of water. I dropped the crystals into the syringe and pulled it up to 30 with the warm water. I gently shook it up while keeping an eye on the window. I took the cap off and handed it over to Danni. She took a look at my arms, but she said she couldn't hit me there. I felt frustration and panic start to set in.
“Hang on, lean your head over.” I leaned and she felt around my collarbone. “Here. I can hit you here, but it’s really close to your heart. If you’re comfortable with it, I will do it, but you’re going to need to lay down.”
I agreed and we went back to the guest bedroom where Gio was sorting something on the dresser. Once he noticed what was about to happen, he shook his head and stepped out of the room. I knew he wouldn’t be comfortable with it, but I didn't care. I mean, this shot could kill me, but I was willing to risk it.
“Okay, as soon as I say done, lay down. Trust me, It’s easier that way. I’ll put your point back up, don’t worry about that.”
I watched in the mirror as she hit a vein close to my neck. I felt the drugs flow through me and a distant ‘done!’ before I felt myself fall against the bed beneath me. It was a much stronger rush than I had ever felt before. I fought with myself to sit up, just in case Troy came back in, but I didn't have the strength.
As I laid there, mind and body in a trance, I thought of my kids. What if I did die right now? How would they remember me? They would have to be the kids who said “My mom died of a drug overdose”. My heart broke. I couldn't do that to them. With all the strength I could muster, I sat myself up. I still felt the rush, but it wasn’t as intense. I felt like I was okay now. I looked around and saw Gio had come back in. He was standing with his arms folded.
"You could have died. That close to your heart will give you a heart attack."
"Eh, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."
"But I do have to worry about you! You don't know how to handle yourself yet. You're going to be used, abused, and dead in a matter of months."
"Why? Why do you have to worry about me so damn much? All I did was take a bump and get high, why are you freaking out?"
"Because women in the dope game are helpless and stupid to be completely honest with you. You aren't strong. You aren't feared by anyone. You will be stepped on and broken simply because you are a woman and it's easy to take advantage of you. You've been getting too independent and you're going to get hurt."
"Okay dude, look, you've been up for almost a week. You're just pissing me off so I'm not going to talk about this right now. Go have a picnic with the shadow people or something. We can talk when you're back down to earth."
"Don't say I didn't warn you!" he yelled as he left the room.
"He can really ruin a high, can't he?" I said to Summer who was on the edge of the bed staring down at the floor. "Um, you okay?"
"You know he's right, Emily."
"No, no. Fuck that. I am not beneath anyone!"
"You might believe that. And I did too. But being a woman in the dope game is a lot of sit still and look pretty. You don't get to run with the guys because you aren't one of the guys. If you do, certain people will see you as too controlling and they will knock you down a notch."
"What do you mean?"
"So, there's this group of people, so to speak, that does some incredibly violent things to women. They always get away with it because if you tell, they will kill you, Let me tell you a few stories about girls who took it too far in their eyes. The first girl was drug along a dirt road by her hair from a truck. She had a broken arm, collarbone and leg, cuts and bruises all over her and they chopped all of her hair off. Next girl, she was held down in her home, in front of her kids, while they melted plastic on to her hair and her face and burned her legs with an iron rod. The third girl was partially scalped from being drug by a horse. She actually didn't make it. Should I go on? I've been in this game long enough to give you a handful of information about this shit."
"Okay, but how did they get away with that? Doesn't anyone notice what has happened to them? Can they not go to the ER?"
"No one notices a junkie. No one cares. Most people see it as self-inflicted. Those that do know can't say anything in fear for their own life."
"All of this because a woman stands up for herself, or does what she wants? This sounds like some medieval times bull shit, to be honest."
"Yeah. Does, doesn't it? Sometimes it's because someone is a liar. Or maybe that they turned in someone very important to the other people. Sometimes it's because they put that important person in a dangerous spot."
I looked up at her and noticed her demeanor has changed. She was hunched over and had a cruel snarl on her face. Was she talking about me? Sending them after me?
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean you! You are the liar! You are the one who turned him in and I'm doing what I came here to do. Get the info I needed from you and he will be coming. You really thought I was your friend? No sweety, you don't make friends in the dope game. Just watch your back."
She got up, left the room, and fled out of the front door.
To be continued...
What she told me about what happened to those women was very true, sadly. And it becomes true for many women who get caught up with them.
It's also not unusual to have someone turn on you so quickly, as she did, but it does still hurt when it happens. Many people are master manipulators when they are using meth. They can be anything and anyone you need them to be. And when they don't need you anymore, or they got all they needed, they turn your back on you in the blink of an eye.
So, will she call Ty? Will she send him over to take me out? Who knows what will happen because literally everything that happens in the dope game is so unpredictable.
Until next time! The next chapter will be published on August 2nd.
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