.png)
First off, I messed up a bit in chapter 12. When I left Sears and got banned from Walmart, it was October! Completely forgot because it was almost Halloween. Anyways, it was something small that's out of the way now. Just wanted to clear up my mistake.
🔴 TRIGGER WARNING - DRUG USE 🔴
August had passed in a blur and September was already here. I haven't been spending as much time with Michael. He doesn't like to see me high, so I've kept my distance when I'm using. I've been spending almost every night out of the house with Matt or Ethan getting high and taking them from one plug to another.
The great thing about having a car of my own to run everyone around in was that I usually got free dope. There were times I'd have to scrape some cash together, but mostly we shared. Ethan was the most generous of the two. He'd always give me gas money, lottery scratch offs, or dope.
For the most part, I felt like I still hid my addiction well. I wasn't picking at my skin, I still did my hair and make up and looked put together. My grandparents haven't said anything to me when I'd end up gone overnight and well into the morning. I assumed they thought I stayed with Michael since I did so much before I started getting high.
I'd been trying to find a job since I fired myself from the Dollar General. I had an interview with Sears, I was just hoping to hear back soon. In the meantime, I kept up my newfound lifestyle by staying high for days at a time and talking to Mason.
The day was ending but I was still wide awake. I had been up for over a day now. I cleaned my grandmas house and my bedroom until there was nothing left to clean. After that, I reorganized my room and still had the energy to run a marathon.
I decided to just lay in bed until I was able to go to sleep. Honestly, I missed sleeping. I miss turning the lights out, curling up in my blankets and falling into a deep sleep. I missed dreaming. I missed normal mornings when I'd wake up to my kids and family. I missed the normal life I had taken for granted, but every time I wanted to go back, meth would bring me back in.
The more I did, the more I enjoyed it all. I had a new sense of confidence. When I was high, I felt incredible. Invincible. I never wanted to come down.
As I was laying there scrolling through Facebook, I got a message from Ethan.
"You busy?"
I replied, "No, what's up?"
"Can you come over? Me and my girl got some dope if you want some."
"Man, I don't have any money right now."
"I'm not asking you for money. If you want to hang, come on by. Just let me know."
Without a second thought I told him I'd be right over. Everyone was already asleep, so I crept out and drove back to the same high class neighborhood I had went to the first time I met him.
Ethan lived with his girlfriend and her mom. He would stay up in the living room all night and smoke, deal, and play music until the sun came up. I had been over a few times before. It was a beautiful house with high ceilings, elegant decor, and regal looking furniture. I felt like I was in the movie Scarface when I would snort lines off of the coffee table. It was a place I never had expected myself to be in, and definitely not doing drugs in.
I pulled up to his house and parked on the side of the road. As I walked up the stairs and through the gate I could already hear Yelawolf coming from the speakers. I knocked on the door and waited.
"Who is it?"
"It's Toast."
"Oh! Hang on."
Ethan opened the door and welcomed me in. I looked over at the couch where I'd usually sit and saw some people I didn't know, but I recognized one. It was Ty.
"Sit down, make yourself at home. Well, just don't stand, you'll make everyone wig out."
I sat down on the chair across from the couch and looked around. There was a young guy and a girl sitting together. She had a gun tucked into her pants, and the guy next to her was trading another gun for dope to some an older looking guy. Ty was on the couch loading a bowl very carefully. Ethan's girlfriend, Lauren, was doing hot rails with another girl I hadn't seen before.
Ethan sat next to me and handed me a pipe. "Here, it's yours for the night. Just don't leave with it."
"Oh, thanks dude!" I took the pipe and got a lighter out of my purse. I looked around the room again. Everyone was in their own world, so I got lost in mine.
I hit the pipe a few times until I started to feel high once again. I looked over and saw Ty looking at me. He frowned and furrowed his eyebrows. '
"What's your name?"
"Emily. Or Toast. Whatever you want to call me."
"You were at the casino the other day, weren't you?"
"Yeah, with Jessica. I took you up to the gas station."
His expression changed and he smiled. "Yeah, yeah, I remember you now. I fuck with you. What's up? You know Ethan?"
"Yeah, I met him a month ago or so."
""Here," he patted the cushion next to him, "come sit on the couch so we can talk"
I grabbed my things and moved over next to Ty. I lit the pipe again and sat back on the couch.
"I don't think I've seen you around much before, and now I'm seeing you all over. How long you been using?"
"About a month maybe?"
He sat up and put his head in his hands. "A month? And you're here?". He gestured to the people around me.
"Well, yeah, I'm not somewhere else obviously," I said sarcastically.
"You got some pull. How exactly did you meet him?"
I told him the story of how Matt threw me into everything that night I met Ethan. He sat there listening intently, shaking his head.
"And here you are," he said. "Well I'm glad I got to actually talk to you. You seem cool."
"Thanks, I'm just...here. I just do what I'm told."
"Don't be a duck. Don't do that. You do you. Don't just do what you're told. Don't sit back and let these mother fuckers own you. Look, take my number. I'll show you everything you need to know. We're friends now. They'll take advantage of women like you real quick. I got you."
"Hell yeah, thanks man, I appreciate it. I really don't know shit about all this. I'm just kind of going where ever I'm needed."
I gave him my number and we sat back and passed the pipe back & forth. He started tweaking out on Candy Crush. Wouldn't take his eyes off of his phone. I sat back and just took everything in. This was my life now, and I was really starting to like it. I felt free like I never had before. The music was loud, the drugs were good, people were laughing and having a good time. This was what it was all about for me.
Ethan came over to us with a huge blow torch and a broke pipe. "You know him?" he asked me, pointing at Ty.
"Yeah, I bought some dope from him just the other night."
"Oh, shit, I didn't know you knew each other."
"Well, not very well, but we do now."
"Right on," he said as he sat down. He sat the blowtorch on the ground and turned it on. He held the cracked pipe over the flame.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Trying to fix this piece of shit. Lauren dropped it on the floor. You get it hot enough you can fix it. Or fuck it up more, which will probably happen."
"Oh, okay."
I watched him as he rolled it in the flame until it was red hot. It made me nervous, so I watched Ty play Candy Crush.
"You're really into that, huh?"
"Yeah, it's addicting."
"You don't look like the Candy Crush playing type," I said with a laugh.
"You don't look like the type that should be here if we're being honest."
"Yet here I am."
"Here you are," he said with a smile.
"Look, I can fuck people up if I need to. Don't underestimate me."
"Yeah? Well you put on a good front."
"Yeah, I guess so."
I looked around and everyone was tweaking out on different things. Cleaning guns, counting money, painting their nails. It didn't seem all that dangerous to me. I sat there and got my phone and looked through Etsy. I came across a bag that said "This bag contains a gun, a bomb, a very large knife and loads of drugs." I immediately bought it with an intent to fill it with every thing it said. I knew I told Ethan that I didn't have money, but honestly, I knew he'd share if he had it so I just kept quiet about it.
As the night went on, Ty and I talked about hanging out more and getting to know each other. He seemed like someone I could trust. I just got that feeling about him.
It was nearing 4:00 in the morning and I knew I had to head home soon so no one knew I was gone all night.
Ty looked away from his phone long enough to tell me bye. " Oh, hey, can you come pick me up around 8? I got places we can go."
"Yeah, I'll text you."
"Thanks, I'll see you later."
I told Ethan I was leaving and headed out to my car. I left and headed home. When I got there, I noticed the porch light was on, and it wasn't on when I left. I walked in to see my grandma in her recliner.
"Emily! What are you doing out so late?"
I had to think fast, and I had to lie. It killed me to do it, but she couldn't know the truth.
"I had some drinks at Michael's house and I didn't want to drive home."
"Oh," her tone lightened a bit. "Well I'm glad you were smart. Just let me know next time you leave, I was worried to death about you."
"I'm sorry Memaw."
"It's okay. I'm going back to bed."
She went back to her room and I went to mine. I felt horrible having to lie to her and started to worry about what I would tell her about leaving again so early. I didn't want to ruin the friendship I just made with Ty. I had a few hours to figure it out at least.
I changed clothes and got in bed. I had no intentions to sleep, but It felt good to be comfortable. I sat there and thought about what I'd say. Maybe I had an interview? Micheal needed my help with something? I could feel myself getting worked up so I focused my attention on Facebook for a while.
I'd figure something out. I had to. I felt like everything depended on it.
Maybe it did.
To be continued...
If I can, I will post pictures of the people in my story with their faces blurred out. There are a few that I won't just due to the people that they are and who they're associated with. Ty being one of them. Closer to the end of my story, there will be a newspaper article I'll post, but that's it.
As for "Ethan", this is what he looked like:
I tried to describe him before, but I don't know if I did it well enough. He always wore a bandanna and a snap-back. Big chains and jerseys. You get the idea. He's been in and out of jail for a long time. I'm pretty sure he's still there now.
Also, being a "duck". This was a term Ty explained to me later down the road, but a duck is someone who does whatever you say for dope. From my understanding, it's non-sexual favors? I could be wrong, but it's basically a "do whatever I say and I promise you that you'll get XYZ" or whatever. You don't want to be a duck. Ducks are stupid, but actual ducks are adorable. Just saying.
Tweaking out. That's basically being hyper-focused on something and you can't pull yourself away from it. So when I said everyone was tweaking out on stuff, they were only focused on what they were doing and had no interest in what anyone else was doing or what was going on.
Another thing is that you can be high, but not high. Like, you can be up for days at a time, but there's a difference in the feeling after you have just smokes/snorted/bumped (shooting up). The initial high, for me at least, is when you're happiest. It's when everything feels great and nothing can stop you.
And hot rails. Hot rails are interesting. I never really found interest in them. It's a mix of smoking and snorting, but I liked to keep them separate. If you want to know more about what it is, click here for Urban Dictionary's explanation.
Anyways, "Ty" will be in pretty much every chapter going forward, at least for a while.
Oh, also, here's that bag I bought. I'd still carry it, but my roommates kept it when I moved out. I filled it with everything but a bomb. Never did get a hold of any bombs, lol.
One last thing I'd like to go ahead and mention is that due to my husbands career, it is in his best interest to leave him out of most of the story. Basic run down, we started dating in October, split for a month or so because I was out of my mind and thought people would come after him, even though he was 1,000 miles away, but we got back together. When it comes to major things, I will talk about it. I was going to include conversations & everything, but I may make a post about him all on it's own at the end of the story.