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🔴 TRIGGER WARNING - DRUG USE, EXPLICIT VIOLENCE, SEXUAL HARASSMENT, AND RAPE 🔴
Disclaimer: The name of the individual introduced into this story has been changed.
Me and Ty were sitting in Brick's living room. This was one of the few times I had been in his house. It was a far cry from the nicer places I've been. The couch had no cover. It was just eaten up foam with stains and marker all over it. Broken, dusty pictures hung in different directions all over the walls. The curtains were held up with duct tape and stained from years of smoke. Piles of electronics lined the walls. His coffee table was full of pipes, light bulbs, ice, baggies and a scale. It was a trap house if I'd ever seen one.
The inside didn't bother me much, but what did bother me was the fact that his young son and daughter were living here in the middle of it all. I didn't know how old they were, but they were very smart and kind. I'd see them pass by every once in a while and smile at them or give them a high five before they were ordered back into their rooms.
Ty and I sat next to each other on the couch while Brick counted up a few grams for a deal he was finishing up. Three other men sat across from us waiting on him to get done. I had never seen them before, and I didn't care to find out who they were. I just sat there and looked pretty like Ty told me to do in these situations. It always worked in my favor. I almost never had to pay for dope unless I was out by myself or with Matt.
They were finishing up the deal when there was a knock at the door. Everyone froze, then the door swung open. Ty, Brick and the three other men pulled out their guns but lowered them as soon as they saw who it was.
A young Mexican man walked in with a huge smile on his face. "It's Trevor mother fuckin' Riley everyone!" he shouted. He slammed the door shut and sat on the arm of the couch next to me. No one looked amused at his grand entrance.
"Hey, what's with everyone?" he said as he looked around.
"Mother fucker you can't just bust in here like that," Brick said as he got up from the table. "You almost got shot. The fuck is wrong with you? And when did you get out?"
"Man, I've been out for two weeks, and you know what? I've been CLEAN! Unlike you all. I've been living the life. You all need to follow my foot steps. It's incredible. I've never been happier!"
Ty looked over at him. "Then why are you here, man? If you're clean, this is the last place you need to be. And I'm not selling you any dope."
"Nah, I came to see old friends. I don't want any of that shit. It took my life away, man. I'm free from the chains of addiction! You really should try it out, man."
"I think I'm good."
"That's the drugs talking, man!"
Ty ignored him. Trevor wandered the room, talking to one of the other men about his time in jail. I stayed seated until Brick was done with his deal and the three men left.
"Hey," Ty said as he walked out on the porch, "I need to get some things from Walmart before 4:00. It's almost 3:00 now. Head to the car and I'll meet you there."
I walked through the yard and got in the driver seat. I watched Ty and Trevor talk, then they both came up to me. Ty leaned his head in the window as Trevor stared at me from behind him.
"I need that bag of red I gave you earlier," he whispered. "Trevor needs it. We got ice. He hasn't used in a while so I want to give him the good shit. I'll get you more, I promise."
"I thought you weren't going to give him any?"
"Just give me the bag."
I handed Ty the small baggie he gave me earlier that day. I didn't know the difference in red and ice, so I didn't really care. I watched as he handed it back to Trevor. They whispered something and Ty pulled a syringe out of his pocket.
"Can he sit in the back? I don't want Brick seeing him bumping it."
"Sure, of course!" I said; always happy to help, regardless of what it was.
Trevor climbed into the back seat and shut the door. Ty handed him my bottle of water and I faced forward, trying to ignore anything that was going on.
"Thank you," he said.
"Of course, no problem!"
I sat still and stared into the night sky. Ty and Brick had walked across the street to try and pry the license plate off of the old cop car. Trevor was quiet for a while, then I heard him cough a few times and move around. I looked into the rear view mirror and saw him leaned back, holding his arm in the air. He handed my water bottle back, but with no lid.
"Thanks," he said, but this time in a much deeper voice. He didn't sound anything like the happy-go-lucky guy he was just minutes ago.
"No problem," I said as I watched him get up and out of the car. He stumbled and fell back on to the car. He leaned there for a while and I let him be.
Brick and Ty had come back and sat on the porch looking over their new find. Ty walked into the house and closed the door. I started to feel uneasy since the last time I was alone with Brick he was harassing me.
Trevor stumbled over to the passenger side door and looked at me. His facial expression no longer showed joy. He looked sinister and mean.
"Can you take me to the corner?"
"Yeah, no problem," I said. He got in the car and stared at the dashboard with his jaw clenched.
"Hey!," I yelled to Brick who was on the porch loading up another bowl. "Tell Ty I'll be right back. I'm just taking him up to the gas station on the corner. I'll be right back!"
Brick looked up and smiled, "Aye, how you gon' do that to me?"
"It's not like that!" I said laughing.
"Yeah, whatever!" he yelled back.
I started the car and looked over at Trevor. "You just need to go to the gas station, right?"
"Yes."
The corner store was just a block over. I'd be back in 5 minutes as long as he didn't tweak out on anything. I figured he needed cigarettes or something so I had no problem taking him. I tried to be on everyone's good side anyways.
I pulled forward and got to the end of the road. As I turned on my blinker to head to the store, he grabbed my thigh. I didn't know what to do, so I just acted like I didn't notice him.
"No. Turn left," he said, not taking his eyes off of the road in front of him.
"But, that's not the quickest way to the gas station," I said, trying not to stammer over my words. My heart started to race. I had a bad feeling, but I didn't know what to do.
"I said turn left," he said, moving his hand from my thigh to the back of my neck, squeezing tightly.
I turned left and went down a part of the road I wasn't familiar with. There were no street lights. No cars. He slid his hand from my neck down into my shirt and grabbed my breast. I didn't look at him. I focused on driving. What could he do if I kept driving?
He took his hand out of my shirt and started to undo his pants. I was screaming inside. "No," I thought. "This is not happening to me. Not me. Please God, not me."
He grabbed me by the back of my head and pulled me down in between his legs. I barely missed hitting a telephone pole and I pulled myself back up quickly.
"I-I'm driving!" was all that I could get out. I got to the end of the road which met with the main road. Across the street was an animal hospital and a day care that had closed down months ago.
"Go park over there," he said, pointing to the empty building.
Everything started to feel unreal, like I was watching a movie. I drove across the street and pulled into an empty drive way and turned off my lights. He had taken all of his clothes off. The street lights shown through his window. I could see the words "BROWN PRIDE" tattooed across his chest.
He grabbed me by the neck and pulled me down again. I pulled back and he pushed me against my seat. He grabbed my shirt and tried to pull it off of me but my seat belt was still on. He grabbed my pants and tried to pull them off, but quickly realized his plan wasn't working.
Everything seemed to be happening so fast. Before I realized what happened, he was outside my door and threw it open. He unbuckled my seat belt and grabbed my legs, turning me, forcing me to face him.
I tried to pull away from him by grabbing the steering wheel, but he was too strong. "No," I said in a small voice. Still, he persisted. He was able to rip my shirt off of me and tried to take off my bra, while I was pushing and kicking the whole time.
As my heart was pounding I yelled "I SAID NO," but he still didn't respond to what I was saying. He had grabbed me by the back of my head again while he was pulling my pants off. I felt him against my leg and I knew then that I couldn't fight him. I knew I had to give in.
In what felt like seconds, I went from helpless to fearless. Something in me snapped. I was able to lean to the side and I grabbed the knife that I kept in a sheath in my boot. Without looking where, I stabbed forward as hard and as fast as I could.
"WHAT PART OF NO DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND MOTHERFUCKER?" I yelled. He let go. We both looked down in silence. I had stabbed him in the lower abdomen. He stared blankly, then he stepped back and I pulled my knife out. Blood was running down his leg and on to the ground.
I looked at my hand. There was no blood on me, just my knife. I wiped it on my jeans and put it back in the sheath, not taking my eyes off of him. Trevor still stood there in disbelief as I found my shirt and put it back on as quickly as I could.
I looked past him and noticed there was a house right next to us with a light on. I panicked, scared they heard me. Scared I would go to jail if they called the cops.
"I-I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," Trevor started saying.
"It's fine, just get in the car. We've got to go."
He got in the passenger seat and I drove away as quickly as I could. I drove through a near by trailer park and down a few other back roads trying to compose myself and understand what just happened. He was trying to dress himself so I avoided the main roads until he at least had pants on.
"Fine?" I thought. "Nothing about this was fine. If I didn't have my knife, he would have raped me... He almost raped me."
Trevor was shaking, continuously apologizing and trying to put the rest of his clothes back on.
"Are you good?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he said as he held his hand over the stab wound.
I drove us back to Brick's house. No one was outside and the porch light was off. I parked the car and watched him stumble out with just one shoe on. I looked down and saw his other bloody shoe in the floor board, but I didn't bother to tell him it was there. Instead, I took it and put it in the back seat.
He sat out in the yard looking dazed and confused. Ty came out and headed right to me.
"Hey, we still have time to let's go to Walmart," he said as quickly got in. "We need to get there soon."
I started the car and drove off without saying anything. Should I say something? What would I even say? I didn't know if anyone would believe me.
Ty had gone into Walmart to pick up a few things like more flashlights, phone chargers and fancy leather gloves. He left me with a bowl, so I climbed into the back seat and laid back. I was going through feelings of anger, sadness, and disbelief. Why me of all people? I felt disgusting and worthless, but I was also proud of myself for stopping him. I didn't know I had it in me.
I was still a little shaken up but I was hoping that smoking would calm me down a bit. I tried to remember everything that happened, but it all seemed to be in fast forward and I couldn't slow it down to pick it apart.
I messaged a friend who lived in another city who was used to the lifestyle I was living. He let me talk it out the best that I could, but didn't offer much comfort or support.
Ty walked back with bags full of new stuff. I took him back to Brick's house and headed home to clean up. I had court in a few hours and I wasn't sure if I was going to walk back out. I wanted to spend as much time with my kids as I could just in case I did go to jail today.
As I was driving home, all I could hear in my head was him yelling his name, "Trevor mother fuckin' Riley". Every time I heard it I got angrier. It played over and over like a broken record. The feelings of sadness and confusion left. I was enraged. How dare he! How dare he think he can take advantage of me.
Trevor Riley. You will pay.
Well, that's the end of chapter 18. This is one part of my life that's really hard for me to look back on. It was hard to slow it all down and remember what happened piece by piece. In reality, it felt like everything was sped up ten times.
There was a part of this story that happened about 2 days later. The day I posted the other pictures below. I just couldn't fit it into the story properly, so here's what happened:
I was standing in Brick's driveway with him, Ty, and Brick's cousin. They were talking about "dope hoe's" and how they cry "rape" all the time when they "are clearly asking for it". My blood was boiling, so I told them. I yelled at them, "that's bull shit! Trevor tried to rape me! He would have had I not stabbed him!". They looked at each other and laughed. They called me a liar, saying I wasn't even his type. I remember feeling so small. They carried on with their conversation as I stood there in disbelief.
It hurt. I thought they would have stuck up for me. At least said sorry, but I got nothing but laughter...
Anyways, here's some context regarding the water bottle and red vs. ice.
Ty handed him the water bottle because he was going to shoot up, something I was oblivious to at the time. I learned later on that you can pour water into the cap and draw it up in the syringe that way. Normally people will use a small piece of cotton from the end of a new cigarette and draw it up through there, but I never did while I was bumping it. More on that later on.
So, from what I understand, ice is typically what you find when you're dealing with meth. It's the big shards that look like crystals, and it's "grown" in the ground. Red is more like a powder. It's what you generally cook in a lab and it a hell of a lot more potent. I never made ice, but I did have a part in making red dope before. I can't remember if I've explained this before or not, but they call it red because you use the tips of matches while you cook it. It's not always red though. For example, when I made it, we had a bunch of match books with white matches, but it worked all the same.
Here's a picture to add to the hall of infamy. "Trevor" here is in jail right now. And he's been in and out of jail for various crimes for many years. I'm not worried about him, but I will still cover his ugly ass face.
Moving on. Here's the post I made while I was waiting on Ty to come out of Walmart.
*it was not two hours. Tweaker time is a real thing, ya'll.
Was I asking for it? In one of Michael's over sized shirts, a old hoodie and some jeans? No. I wasn't fucking asking for it.
Here's pictures from the next few days. I couldn't sleep after what happened and it shows. *Spoiler alert* I didn't go to jail.
This picture above is the one that always makes me cringe at who I was. I wasn't high, that's why my eyes are pinpoints instead of saucers. They look glazed over and tired. I had been picking at my face and had bags under my eyes from days of not sleeping. Also, this is the wig I always wore. I had a few more, but this was my go to.
Fun fact! I wore wigs for almost 7 years straight because I hated my own hair and shaved my head a few times.
Here's one from just moments earlier that same day. My clothes were getting too big since I had lost so much weight. I say "I woke up like this", but all I did was roll around in bed all night in anger and disgust. I look sick and pale. I mean, I've always been pale, but never like this. Looking at this picture makes me sad for the woman that I was. I wish I could go back in time and hold her and let her know that she's going to get through this.
Oh, my knife! Ty gave me the boot knife a few nights prior to this whole event. He gave me a few actually, but I gifted the rest of them to Michael. It was a double edged boot knife. I'm sure it wasn't legal to carry because the blade was about 6 inches long, but I took it everywhere. I always wore combat boots and they stayed in the same spot, until I got high and traded my knife for "a much better knife" and got ripped off months later. I really miss it to be honest.
I don't think I ever went into detail about what happened that night... I don't think I told anyone but whoever followed me in Instagram and some close friends, but not all the way... I tried to tell a family member a few months later. We've made amends and are doing really well, so I won't call this person out on their behavior. Just to clarify, it was not my husband. He was still 1,000 miles away.
Anyways, Christmas day 2014 I was at my grandmas. I hid in my room because my family was ashamed of me and I felt alienated. Can't blame them! So this family member comes into my room and starts yelling and berating me on my actions. I told this person that I was almost raped, and their response was "you deserve it". They then went on to throw me onto my bed and hurt me pretty badly... They always said they didn't hit me or hurt me, but I took pictures after I left my grandma's and went back to where I was staying. I'll go over this again when that time comes.
I will never forget that and I can never forgive their actions either. I think that really shut me down from telling anyone else. I thought their reaction would be more of like "oh shit, she's really experiencing hell, let me help her" and not what actually happened.
It really was a backwards cry for help... I wanted help, but I wasn't capable of saying the words...