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🔴 TRIGGER WARNING - DRUG USE 🔴
Chapter 21 is compiled of mini-stories that happened along the way, up to where chapter 20 left off. These aren't long enough for their own chapter, nor do they have enough activity behind them to justify a full chapter. These stories do matter in my journey and I am going to tell them as I remember them. They are in no order of how they happened and may not be as put together as a normal chapter.
Remember you can support my blog and journey to get this into a book by buying me a coffee at this link: https://ko-fi.com/findingemily
Story #1: Road trip to the middle of nowhere
Ethan had me pick him up to do some "errands". It was late at night, as usual. I picked him up from his house and we headed out to an unknown part of Arkansas. We went down winding roads, going where every he told me to. Eventually, we pulled up to a small, single wide trailer which seemed like it was miles from civilization. There were no cars out front, but the lights were on and you could hear the sound of a TV and people yelling inside.
"You can come in if you want," he said.
"I guess," I said uneasily. I never liked walking into a house where I didn't know anyone. Especially out here. I had no idea what to expect.
"Okay, watch your step when you go in though. Don't fall through the floor."
"Oh, okay?"
We walked up a few steps made from cinder blocks and stepped inside. The floor in front of the door was gone. It had rotted and fallen through, so you had to jump to the side to get to a more stable, but still flimsy part of the floor.
Ethan hopped into the living room while I tried to find a spot to stand that didn't feel like a wet sponge. I looked up to see a decent looking house, but it was filled with trash. The walls were painted nicely and had beautiful artwork hanging up. The floors though were littered in old mail, dirt, old food, and empty containers. It was like a bad episode of Hoarders. They had a huge flat-screen TV in the living room though, but to either side were stacks up to the ceiling of old VHS tapes and more trash.
There were two large recliners with a person in each one. There was an older woman sitting on one who was talking to Ethan. She was so big, it looked as if she couldn't leave her chair. The older man across from her was the same way.
I watched him as he tiptoed on a single board next to the woman, trying not to fall into a hole. She looked over and noticed me and smiled.
"Hi Darling, I didn't see you there! You can come sit down if you'd like!"
"I'm fine, thank you though. I've been sitting all day, it's nice to stand."
"What's your name sweetie?"
"Emily."
"That's my daughter's name too! You just look so cute! Roger, look at her! I love your dress!"
"Thank you!" I said with a smile. I had on a Star Wars dress and blue leggings. She was very sweet and definitely didn't seem like a tweaker. Maybe she was family?
They talked for a while I just stood there awkwardly, praying I wouldn't end up on the ground. After when seemed like an hour, Ethan finally hopped back over to me and said we could go. We made it out of the trailer safely and back to the car.
"Who was that? I'm just curious."
"My aunt and uncle. I haven't seen them in about a year. They've been asking me to come by but I didn't have a ride."
"Oh, gotcha."
"So, uh, I know a back road we can go down if you want to smoke."
I thought about it as I was already incredibly high. I was so high I was shaking and almost couldn't think straight, well, as straight as I normally could while I was on one.
"Sure, just tell me where to go," I said reluctantly.
We drove down to a dirt road, not too far from where we were. We came to a metal fence and turned the car around to face the other road, in case there were other people driving by.
We sat there and smoked, but after 30 minutes, we saw headlights coming down the road.
"It's a cop," Ethan said.
"The fuck you mean it's a cop?"
"It's a fucking cop! Trust me. We can either go right now or wait."
I was panicking, but I thought it would look really shady if we started driving away as soon as we saw another car. Sure enough, on the dirt road just ahead of the one we were on, a cop car passed by, but didn't head in our direction.
"Go! Now!" he yelled.
I turned on the car and started flying down the dirt road, hitting potholes rocks all the way until we got to the main road. I looked behind me and saw what I thought was dim lights coming our way. I fishtailed onto the highway and floored it.
We drove in silence for a few minutes. I looked in the mirror and didn't see anyone behind us. I drove 80 in a 50 until we got into town again. I was terrified that we may have been caught, but thankfully we made it out.
~End story #1~
So that story was just weird because of the house, and terrifying because we literally hauled ass from a cop.
Story #2 - Crossroads, Arkansas
I don't remember how it ended up this way, but at some point, I started talking to a guy I went to high school with. We will call him Dylan. Not talking in a "talking" kind of way, but just chatting back & forth. He was a jock in school, so I never knew him well. I don't remember how I found out, but we realized we both smoked meth. At the time, he was trying to quit but I convinced him to hang out and get high with me at least once (I deeply regret this to this day).
I drove almost 2 hours away from my hometown of Hot Springs to a little town called "Crossroads, Arkansas". It was a very small town with a fire station and a couple of run-down houses. I picked him up and handed him my pipe and the gram of meth I had on me. We started to head back into Hot Springs. On the drive, we would pass the pipe back and forth. When it was my turn, Dylan would steer for me while I hit it. It became a bit of a struggle, so we pulled over on the side of a dirt road.
We were only there for a matter of minutes when an old blue pickup truck came down the road we were parked to the side of. The man driving the truck stopped and glared at us, then hauled ass down the road. We left as soon as we could and waited until we got back into town to smoke again.
On our way into town, I rambled on about how I could buy a plot of land deep in the woods and fence it off. I'd get key cards and sell them to local tweakers so they could go to this little fenced-off piece of land and get high and deal drugs. It was my idea for a tweaker safe haven. No one could get in without a pass, so I'd make money and keep the cops out. Win-win right?
We made it into town and I took him to a liquor store where we bought some cheap vodka with a handful of change. He sat in the car drinking it straight when I got a call from Ty. He needed me to help him get something done. I told him that Dylan was with me, but surprisingly he was okay with it.
I picked him up from a rundown apartment complex and we drove towards Ethan's house. He was getting sketched out because there were some people there that weren't too fond of Ty, so we parked at the top of the hill and smoked for a bit.
Dylan and Ty got to talking and got on the topic of shooting up.
"I want to do it someday. Just to try it," I said.
"No!" they both yelled simultaneously.
"It's a whole other kind of monster, Emily. It's like a completely different drug," stated Ethan.
"Please don't, Em", Dylan said. "Once I did it, there was almost no coming back from it. It changed my life. Promise me you will never start shooting up."
"Yes," Ty said, grabbing my shoulder. "Promise us you will never start shooting up. You remember how my ex was. Please don't. You're a good person and once you do it you'll be gone forever."
"Fine!" I said as I crossed my arms. "I won't do it. I promise." I rolled my eyes, unhappy at the thought of being told what not to do with my life. I know it was coming from a good place, but I felt more inclined to do the things I shouldn't.
Eventually, Ty made his way into Ethan's house and I drove Dylan back to his. We pulled in behind the fire station and smoked one last bowl together. I never saw him again after that night. We still stay in touch every once in a while though.
~End story #2~
The whole "tweaker haven" thing was some of the really stupid stuff I'd come up with in my head when I was high. To me, when I was high, it all made perfect sense!
Also, there were a lot of people who never wanted me to start shooting up. I'd say every person I ever ran into told me to never start. They all warned me that if I did, I would never come back out alive...
Story #3 - Coming down, going up
This night I had met back up with Matt. I went over to his friend's house and got them both so we could get some more dope. I don't remember her name, so we will call her Jackie.
Jackie was a really sweet girl who lived with some friends, not too far from Michael's house. She was used to doing heroin, but Matt introduced her to meth recently, just like he did to me. He told me that he gave it to her because she was having really bad withdrawals and he thought it would help her.
When I met Jackie, she was very kind and generous. She had a love for 70's rock and played it everywhere she went. Although she was shaking and throwing up most of our encounter, she was never rude or mean. She just wanted to get away from the drug that was ruining her life.
We all got in my car and Matt sat in the back with her while she was doubled over, crying in pain. We drove through town and to a neighborhood right next to a Christian school. We picked up two Latino men who spoke with Matt about who they were going to to get the dope from.
I drove down the street a little ways and parked the car in front of an empty house. Matt and the other two men were talking and I was on my phone. I was looking for WiFi in the area since my phone had been shut off. I came across one that said "FBI Surveillance Van 93-2".
"Hey, look what this WiFi's name is," I said with a laugh. "It says it's an FBI surveillance van!"
"What the fuck Emily, don't say that shit!" Matt yelled. The other two men looked at me with a menacing glare.
"I'm sorry... I thought it was funny."
"It's not! Goddamnit. Go drive down another street!"
I quietly drove down the road a little way and dropped the three of them off. I felt bad for saying something about it. Matt had never snapped at me like that before either. I sat there quietly as Jackie moaned and cried in the back seat.
"Is there anything I can do?" I asked as I turned around to face her.
"No, I've just got to get through this. Thank you though."
"Okay, I'm sorry you're going through all this."
"I did it to myself. Please never pick up heroin. It's not all it's made out to be."
"It's definitely not something I think I want to do. I like being all hyped up and shit."
"Yeah, then heroin definitely isn't what you want to do."
We sat there and waited for what felt like hours and they never showed back up. I kept playing music to help comfort her while I started to get anxious.
"I'm going to drive around the streets a bit to see if I can find them."
I drove around the block a few times, then started going around different parts of the neighborhood. A couple of blocks over, I finally found Matt. I pulled up to him and rolled down the window.
"How did you make it way over here?"
"I forgot where you parked! I got the dope though."
He got in the car and we headed back to Jackie's house. We got her inside and snuck past her roommates. She laid in bed and smoked a little bit. I could tell she was starting to feel a little better. I hated that she had to go from one hard drug to another, but I couldn't stand to see someone go through the pain she was in.
~End of story #3~
Story #4 - The devil's dealer
This was the next night, after story #3. Me, Matt, & Jackie went to Matt's old dealer's house to see if we could get some dope. I can't remember where it was exactly, but I believe it was somewhere in town.
We pulled up to a little white house. Through the windows, you could only see red glowing lights and hear loud heavy metal music playing. We all got out of the car and we were greeted on the porch by a tall man dressed in black. He had spiked gauntlets on and long black hair. He reminded me of a real-life Nathan Explosion from Deathklok (picture below). He had several facial piercings and tattoos as well. He wasn't quite the person I expected to see dealing drugs.
"Matt! It's been a long time since you brought your sorry ass around here. What do you want?"
"I was actually coming to see your brother."
"He's out back, come on."
We followed the sinister-looking man along the old wrap around porch. Around the corner sat a young man in a cut off shirt and blue jeans. A far cry from this other guy.
"Hey man, it's been a while!" said the young man as he got up to meet Matt. "How have you been?"
"Good, man, pretty good. I came by to see if you were still selling."
He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. "Eh, yes and no. I actually got off meth a year ago."
"He's shooting fucking heroin now!" yelled the other man.
We all looked over to see him grinning, wrapping a belt around his arm. I looked at Jackie who had shut her eyes and folded her arms, trying to ignore what was happening.
"Oh, well, fuck man. I was hoping to get some from you. You always had some fire shit."
"It just wasn't doing it for me anymore. I wanted something new, and Jake over there introduced me to it."
I glanced back at who I assumed was Jake, just to see him pushing the plunger of a syringe down into his arm. I quickly looked away.
"I gotcha', well that sucks. It was good seeing you though. Jackie is actually going through withdrawals right now, so we are trying to get her away from all this."
Jake stood up and stumbled over to us. "Don't you want some! I'll let you try it for free! Best shit in Arkansas! It'll make you feel invincible! It's the devils magic in your veins!" he yelled as he threw a beer can at his brother.
"Nah man, we don't do that. We just smoke dope."
"Bunch of fucking tweakers! Get the hell out of here then!"
We started walking away as he stumbled to the ground, yelling something about Satan. It was a really weird experience. I drove out of there as fast as I could, trying to think of who else we could score from.
~End f story #4~
So here's what Nathan Explosion looks like, just for reference.
Anyways, this was my one and only run-in with this guy. He was a little scary, I'm not going to lie.
This was the first time I was ever offered heroin, but I honestly have no interest in it. I'm glad because knowing me, I would have absolutely done it if I had the slightest bit of interest in it.
So that's it for chapter 21! I will get back to regular chapters next week.