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Before I start this chapter, I will explain where I left off. So, my memory is a little fuzzy on the exact line of events that happened after we went to Brick's house. This was the time I pretty much stopped communicating with my grandma. I started coming home whenever I felt like it. I stopped calling to check on the kids. She stopped calling me too. By this time, she knew what was going on, but I don't think she knew that I was using meth. I'll never know. She's never told me and we don't talk about it.
This chapter will pick up on what I do remember, and I will introduce someone else. This person means very much to me. I haven't seen him in years, and the only time I know he's okay is when he pops up on the jail roster. He had my back through a lot and I had his back when no one else did. Even his mom remembers me and every time we meet, which is very rare, we catch up and she asks how I'm doing. Later in the story, you'll understand how bizarre that is that she, of all people, gave a shit about me. Unfortunately, he belongs to a very hateful "group" of people. I don't really understand because he was a very kind and well-mannered man. For clarification, if you know or guess what I'm talking about, I never had direct affiliation (but a lot of indirect affiliation) with this group, I never liked this group, and I am personally against everything they stand for. Just putting that out there.
🔴 TRIGGER WARNING - DRUG USE 🔴
Gio was strumming away on his guitar while Troy dug through a box of old, stolen phones, trying to find one that he could make work again. I sat in the big chair, watching the cameras on the living room TV while I smoked and scrolled through my phone. It had been a pretty quiet night at their place. Troy left earlier to meet up with the dope man and reup for everyone, but aside from that, we've all been lazing around here, getting high and finding random things to get into.
I took a long hit from my pipe and watched the cameras. I declared myself "security" for their house. I found a baseball bat under Troy's bed a few days ago and have kept it on me ever since. I made it my priority to watch the cameras and make everyone feel secure. I felt like it gave me a reason to be there, even when I had nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no money to buy more dope.
As I exhaled, I saw the driveway camera light up and two headlights start flying up the driveway. I hesitated a second, then grabbed my baseball bat and ran towards the front door and out to the front porch stairs. Troy got up and quickly followed behind me. I stared at the red truck slinging gravel every which way as it turned into the driveway, trailing a fishing boat behind it.
"I don't know who the hell that is," mumbled Troy.
"Oh really?" I said, slowly walking forward with my bat resting on my shoulder.
"Emily, will you chill out."
"Hell no, I don't give a fuck."
"I know. That's why I like you."
I stopped a few feet away from the truck as the door opened and a short older man got out. I didn't recognize him. He had a scruffy gray beard, bright orange hat, an old dirty gray sweater, and oil-stained jeans. Before I could say anything to him, Troy yelled from behind me. Apparently they knew each other.
"Whose truck is that?" yelled Troy.
"Man, you know I don't know. I need a place to leave it for a while."
"You know I've got you covered, Levi."
They both walked over to the boat and started talking about fishing and other things I had no interest in, so I went back inside and sat down to smoke some more.
"Who's here?" asked Danni as she came out of the bedroom.
"Levi? I don't know who he is. I've never seen him before."
"Oh! He's good people. He hasn't come around in a while though. Weird that he'd show up out of the blue like that."
"Well, it looks like he stole a truck and boat, so yeah."
"Good God, of course he brings it here. Oh well."
"You're not even worried about a whole ass STOLEN truck AND boat being in your yard?"
"Everything in our yard, aside from your car, was stolen from one place or another. Just being honest."
"Well, that doesn't make me any more comfortable."
I sat back down in the chair facing the TV and laid the baseball bat next to me. As I grabbed my pipe and lighter, I watched the cameras while Troy and Levi walk around the boat and dug through the truck. After a few minutes, I saw them come walking up the steps.
They came into the living room where Gio got up and mingled with them for a few minutes. They talked about guitars for a while before Levi sat down on the couch and pulled out a huge bag of shards from his hoodie pocket. He pulled out a few syringes, a spoon, and a few unused ends of cigarette butts. Danni brought in a little shot glass of water and they all sat around getting everything set up for them.
I felt weird and out of place being the only person in the house who didn't shoot up. I slowly tucked away my pipe and lighter and just sat there scrolling on my phone while they did their thing.
"You want one?"
I looked up to see Levi gesturing at the table where everything sat out. I didn't say anything for a second, because in the back of my mind, I did want to try it. It was scary. I didn't think I could willingly stick a needle in my arm. Sure, I had tattoos and even pierced my own lip a few times in high school, but shooting something straight into my veins? I was a little curious, but I didn't know if I was ready.
"She doesn't bump it," said Troy. "And don't let her do it either, I'll kick your ass!"
"I don't want to," I said. Even though I felt like that was slowly becoming a lie. I was tired of being left out.
"What do you do? Smoke it? Snort it?"
"Both."
"Give me a minute and I'll hook you up."
I saw Gio giving him a concerned look, almost like he didn't trust him. I looked away as they started raising up their sleeves to get to their arms. I scrolled through Facebook for a while until they finished, then Levi got up and went outside. He came back in with a piece of broken glass the size of my hand, It was curved and looked like a busted vanity bulb that you put in the bathroom.
"Come here," he said as he sat on the couch and patted the cushion next to him.
I walked over and sat down as Gio watched him, unmoving, from the other side of the living room. He grabbed a shard the size of my pinky finger. I had never seen one so big. He laid it in the middle of the broken glass and started to melt it down with his lighter, carefully rocking it back and forth. I was confused. Was I supposed to smoke it? How was that going to work?
"Grab that straw from the table."
I grabbed a short, white straw and handed it to him.
"Now watch me. You're going to get so high you won't even know what hit you."
He laid the lighter down and grabbed the straw, putting it to his mouth, still holding the broken glass and put the lighter back under it. He sucked the smoke up from the glass, carefully moving around in small circles. After a long breath in, he blew out a cloud of smoke bigger than I had ever seen before.
"Now you do it. Don't get it too close or it'll melt."
I grabbed the glass and put the straw in my mouth as he did. He held the lighter underneath and the smoke started rising. I slowly sucked in the smoke until I felt like I couldn't hold anymore in. I held my breath for a few seconds and blew it all out.
"That shit will get you higher 'n hell!" he said with a laugh. "Keep it. Here's some more too."
He sat down another shard on the table. I wasn't sure if it was the dope or the way I was smoking it, but I could tell a difference. A huge difference. I sat next to him and kept smoking, sometimes passing it back to him while he talked to Gio about his recent time in prison. I couldn't figure out what he was in for, but I could tell that he was there for a while.
I smoked what he set up for me, and the other shard as well. I felt higher than I ever felt before, and it was incredible. I had already been up for a day, but I felt like this would keep me up for another two at least.
Levi got up and went to the fridge to find whatever food might be in there. Typically the fridge was bare, except for a few condiments. In a house where nobody ever ate, I wasn't sure what he was expecting to find. Somehow he ended up with a bowl of ravioli and came back to the living room to sit down in one of the big chairs.
As he was sitting there eating, I noticed that he fell asleep with the bowl in his lap, and was starting to snore. I laughed, but Gio still seemed concerned. I wasn't sure if he was wigging out because he just had a bump or if he was serious. He came over to sit next to me and whispered to me.
"He's not a good person, Em. You've got to be careful around him."
"What do you mean? He seems fine to me."
"Fine? Okay, so he just got out of prison, he showed up in not only a stolen truck but a boat too, and he hasn't been here for almost a year. You don't just vanish and show up again like that."
"Well... didn't you just say he was in jail?"
"He's been out for a few months."
"Hell, he probably had shit to catch up on."
"Em, seriously. Be careful around him."
"Whatever, I'm not scared of anyone."
I got up and picked up the bowl of ravioli off of his lap before he dropped it everywhere. Gio was looking at me like I was crazy, mouthing "DON'T!" at me.
"I'm eating that!" said Levi, half asleep.
"Are you sure? You were snoring. I didn't want you to spill it."
"Nah, I'm awake."
He sat back up and took a few more bites before he was snoring again. I got up to yet again try to take his bowl, while Gio was flipping out.
"What are you doing?" Levi mumbled.
"Putting your food up. You fell asleep again."
"Damnit, I'm not sleeping!" he said, getting angry.
I saw Gio shaking his head out of the corner of my eye.
"You were. Here, let me put this up for you. Trust me, no one here is going to eat it. You can have it in the morning."
"No, I... Alright. Fine. Don't eat my food."
"Trust me, eating is the last thing I want to do right now."
He chuckled and laid back down. He was half on and half off of the chair and looked uncomfortable. I dragged the ottoman from across the room and lifted his legs up and put the ottoman there so he could relax.
"What are you doing, girl?" he asked, looking up at me.
"Taking care of you so you can rest."
"The fuck?"
"Just get some sleep."
He glared at me, then smiled and closed his eyes. I grabbed a blanket and laid it over him and turned the lights out in the kitchen and living room. I motioned Gio to follow me to the guest room so he would get some rest. He was snoring again even before we could make it out.
"You are crazy. I've seen him punch people in the face just for touching him."
"Yeah, I am crazy, but I like to take care of people. Especially when they take care of me."
"You don't even know him!"
"Do I have to know someone to show them kindness, Gio? I didn't know you when I picked you up."
"As I said before, you don't belong in the dope game. Your heart is too soft for this shit."
"I can be a mean mother fucker, trust me."
"I'll believe it when I see it. You're really ballsy to do that though. I would have let him spill it all over the place."
"That's messed up, dude. It doesn't hurt to be kind to people. But hey, didn't he just do a bump, then fall asleep?
"Yeah, but he's probably been up for a week or so. You eventually get to a point where no matter how much you do, you're going to crash at some point. You can't stay up forever."
"True. How long do people stay up while using? Does it matter which way they do it?"
"You tend to stay up longer when you're bumping it. I've stayed up for 10 days before, but it was bad. Really bad. I was seeing things and hearing people and conversations that weren't happening. I lost my mind. Then I slept for 3 days straight. I've heard of people staying up for 14 or 15 days, but I haven't seen it happen myself. When I smoked it, I never really stayed up more than four days at a time."
"How can you keep up with it? The days I mean."
"You figure it out after you come down and get some sleep, or you just never really figure it out at all. It can permanently damage some people. The human body wasn't made to run on fuckin' brake fluid and acetone, or stay up for over 24 hours, Em."
"Brake fluid and- wait, is that's what's in here?"
"There's a lot of shit in it. Lye, which is drain cleaner, Heet that you use in cars, the red phosphorus on matches, acetone, battery acid, Sudafed. I mean, it depends on where you get it, if it's pure, if it's ice or red, and if it's cut with anything. But yeah, generally those things and then some. It's been a long time since I made it, I can't remember it all."
"Holy shit... that's what I've been putting in my body..."
"Yep, sure is, kiddo."
I sat and thought on that for a while. I never really thought about what all went into meth. I knew for damn sure you weren't supposed to ingest battery acid and drain cleaner. I will give tweakers this much though, you got to be somewhat smart, in a roundabout way, to know what you're doing without immediately killing yourself. I tried to shake the thought because I didn't want to scare myself out of getting high again.
While Levi was sleeping in the living room, Troy and Danielle kept to themselves in their room throughout the night and Gio and I stayed in the guest room talking about anything and everything while he occasionally played guitar and sang some old songs.
After hours of talking and laughing, the sun finally came up and shined brightly through the windows, once again giving me a disoriented feeling that I should be waking up right now, not going on day two of being awake. I smoked a little bit and Gio did another bump before we ventured out into the living room.
I walked out to see Levi awake and scrolling through his phone, still bundled under the blanket I put over him.
"Good morning sunshine," he said as he sat up in the chair.
"Morning, sleep well?"
"Yeah, man, I haven't slept that good in months."
"Good, I'm happy to hear that."
"Thanks for your help, even though I was an asshole."
"It's cool. I'm used to it," I said with a laugh.
"Well come on over here, I'll get you hooked up so you can start the day right."
"Hell yeah, that's what I'm talking about!"
I walked over and sat next to him while he started some for me and got his rig ready for his morning shot. I sat there and smoked while we talked about how I just recently got in the dope game, how I knew Troy and Danni and ended up here in the first place. He seemed like a disappointed dad when he realized how new I was to all of this, but that didn't stop him from getting me high.
Gio walked in a few minutes later with his guitar in his hand and sat down across from us.
"Man, let me go grab my guitar real quick," said Levi. He got up and walked out to the truck and came back with a beautiful glossy black acoustic guitar. "We haven't played together in ages man, you down?"
"Hell yeah, man," said Gio as he sat his guitar on his knee.
I watched as they started to play Simple Man by Lynard Skynard. They took turns singing the verses. I watched in awe. I always loved watching people play guitar. It was a beautiful instrument that I never got to master. I sneakily took a few pictures as they laughed and smiled.
In this moment, my heart had never felt so full. I felt like these were the moments I had longed for for so long. To just enjoy friends and have no worries or cares in the world. It was freeing. It was a new high I had never felt before, but one that I felt that I had been chasing my whole life.
"I wrote two songs while I was locked up. I've been dying to play this one."
Levi started strumming beautifully dark music and quietly singing. All I could understand was the chorus where he sang: "Heaven or hell, I said heaven or hell... here I come."
I scrambled for my phone to try and get a quick video before he stopped, but I was too late. It was such a beautiful song and I hoped he'd play it again some time. As they started strumming along to a new song, Troy came in, chainsaw in hand.
"Gio. Come help me cut down some of these trees," he said as he walked outside.
"I guess I'm going to go cut some trees. Well shit."
He sat his guitar down and walked out to follow Troy. I sat quietly in the living room with Levi for a few minutes before he got up and grabbed his things.
"Are you leaving already?" I asked.
"I've got a few loose ends to tie up, but I'll be back. Will you be here?"
"Yeah, I don't plan on going anywhere else."
"Alright," he said with a smile. "I'll see you later then."
"Wait, are you taking the truck?"
"Well, I'm not walking."
"You are seriously going to drive a stolen truck around town?"
"Wouldn't be the first time. You know the old saying. Gotta drive it like it's stolen!"
"So... like you're running from the cops?"
"No, slowly and down all the back roads. I know how to make it without being caught. I'm 43 years old, I've done this a long time."
"Alright, just be careful."
"Why do you care? You don't even know me?"
"I care about everyone. It's... just my thing I guess."
He shook his head as he headed outside. I watched him unhitch the boat and drive away. I honestly didn't expect to see him again. It was a really nice truck, I'm sure someone was out looking for it. I leaned back on the couch and closed my eyes. I thought about the kids, but I was sure they were doing fine. If they weren't, I'm sure she would have called me by now. Until then, I was going to sit back and enjoy everything I had been missing for so long.
To be continued...
Here's the picture I took of the both of them playing, of course with faces blurred for protection. I remember this moment so vividly. It was still early morning. I was in awe of them playing together. I don't know what it was exactly, but every moment was just beautiful.
I remember begging Levi to write down the lyrics to his sings for me, but he never did. I only remember that one part now and I know that it was a really beautiful song. He'd play it all the time. I know I have a video somewhere, but I have spent hours and hours looking for it, but I just can't find it and it's really disappointing. The video was blacked out because I had covered the camera, but I tried so hard to keep that memory and it's gone. I'll definitely be writing more about Levi as he becomes a reoccurring person in my story. Tbh, I really wish I could show their faces, just to show how happy they looked. It makes the picture ten times better really.