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Instead of making a whole chapter of what happened while the beginning of the raid was going on, I'll go over the main things that happened, and start this chapter where it takes place about two weeks later.
They called the raid Black Ice, but I think it was just called Ice, I'm not sure. I've tried to look up news articles from then, but it's been over 5 years ago and there isn't much out there where the links still work.
On the same road Troy lived on (it was a long road) was a guy that he had known for a while and worked with on getting dope and stuff like that. He was a target. We would drive down the roads (there was his road, and a road across the way that also got to his house and we'd drive both) to look for undercover cops or DTF. If we saw anyone, we warned the rest. We kept dude at Troy's place for a while to keep traffic down at his house. Turns out, the police utilized an old empty house to hide out, right across from his. More happens with this guy later on regarding the raid, and I'll write about it when we get there.
It was scary. I was terrified, but there was a part of me that was excited to be in the middle of it all. I felt like an outlaw. I felt like I was doing great things by riding around, telling people where the cops were, giving tips to all of our people and everything. Of course, I wasn't doing much good and I was an idiot to keep myself in the house of the most well-known dealer in the city, but for me, it felt right.
The raid ended in late December, and right now the bulk of my story is late October/early November. I remember events, the people, what they said and what I did, but it can be hard to string everything together in the correct timeline because SO much happened in such a short time. I was only using for six months. For everything that happened, it's a lot! I still have SO much to tell.
Anywho, I'm starting this chapter where things really took a turn for me. Here's a quick intro into chapter 35:
Levi came back to Troy's house, he hung around a lot but Troy started getting pissed off at Levi for different things. Troy lost his pipe (not a meth pipe, a hand-carved rock looking pipe for weed) and blamed it on Levi. Danielle also just moved in a friend from jail who was just released into the extra room that Gio always stayed in, and Troy HATED her. So not only was he annoyed at Levi, he was mad at the girl (we'll call her Amber) who just moved in, mad at his wife, and kicked everyone out of his house for two weeks. Even me. I'll pick it up from there.
🔴 TRIGGER WARNING - DRUG USE 🔴
"You're not really his friend if he never kicks you out of the house," said Danni as she stood in the doorway.
"That's so fucked up though!" I said as I paced the yard, not knowing where I'd go until he let me back in.
"Look, we love you, I love you, he just gets this way sometimes. I'll let you know when he cools down, but it probably won't be soon. You'll be the first one who gets to come back. I promise. I just can't let you back in right now."
"Yeah... I get it."
I looked up at Danielle. We exchanged sad glances as she walked back inside and locked the door behind her. I stood outside in the cool weather, leaning against the hood of the car. Levi was putting his things in the back seat. A gust of wind blew and I realized I had left my hoodie inside. I had no jacket, and I wasn't going back home to get one out of fear that I wouldn't be able to leave again. I crossed my arms to try to warm up while Levi finished up with his stuff.
"Are you cold?" he asked as he came around the car.
"Yeah, and I left my hoodie inside. That's all I had."
"I'll go get it. Fuck them, you need a jacket."
"She locked the door, I don't think you can get in."
"Hang on."
He pulled out his phone and was typing away. I assumed he was reaching out to Danni, because Troy surely wouldn't walk to talk to him. A few moments later, the door opened slightly and a blue hoodie flew out and landed on the ground. Levi walked over to pick it up and handed it to me. It wasn't mine, but it would work.
"Thanks, I appreciate that."
"No problem. They can get fucked, you got to have something if you're cold."
"So... what do we do now? I don't really have anywhere to go. I mean, I could go home, but I don't want to. I haven't been home in days and I don't want to face whoever is there waiting for me."
"I gotcha. Run me to my mom's house, then I'll figure something out. I got some stuff to pick up. Plus, I want you to meet her. No one meets my mom. I mean, NO ONE. But I think she'd like you."
"What's so special about me?"
"I don't know, but something about you... You're just different. I don't know, can't explain it."
"Oh... Okay? I guess that's not a bad thing."
"Nah. I've known people for years that never met her. She'll like you."
"So why is she so mysterious? Like, why is it so special that I meet her but no one else can?"
He shook his head and got in the passenger seat and I got in the car and started backing up. He lit a cigarette and zoned out for a minute before he said anything.
"She's just part of a certain group of people you don't fuck with. And her husband is the kingpin of something else. I don't associate with him. You know what I mean?"
"Yeah, I think. Kind of got me a little worried now."
"Don't be. If I bring someone to her, she knows they are good people."
We drove away from Troy's house and headed towards Levi's place. I was a little sad because I didn't know when I could come back. I wanted to be there. I felt like someone there. They had become a second family to me. Gio dipped out and I haven't heard from him. I wasn't talking to Michael or Matt, and Ethan and Ty have gone MIA. Levi was the only person I had left to hang with and I hadn't known him but for maybe two weeks. I trusted him though. He was my only connection right now and I didn't want to lose it.
I pulled up to a little red brick house just off of the main road in the middle of town. I followed Levi out of the car and walked up to the door with him. I could hear yelling and things being thrown around, but it didn't seem to phase him.
"Hold on for a minute, I'll be right back."
He walked inside and closed the door. I stood out on the concrete porch and pet a cat that was sleeping in the chair next to me until he came back out.
"So it's probably not a good time. They are into it right now, but I told her about you, so if you ever need anything, you can come by. Only you, no one else, okay?"
"Yeah, got it."
"I'll give you her number later just in case. I know you didn't get to see her, but you got that connection now. Oh, can I put some stuff in the trunk?"
"Sure, go for it."
He picked up several boxes of china plates and a box of CD's from the porch and loaded them into the car.
"You hungry?" he asked ad he got back in the car.
"Umm..."
"Stupid question. So when did you eat last?"
"Oh hell, days ago."
"You need to eat then."
"Ugh, no, I don't want to. I'm not hungry."
"Are you high?"
"No? I don't know, it all feels the same anymore. I'm awake, that's the best way to describe it."
"If you wanna keep getting high, you have to eat. At some point, you've got to eat and drink or you're going to look like those people the police scare normal people with. The faces of meth poster, you know what I'm talking about?"
"Yeah... but I'm broke. I put all I had into the gas tank the other day."
"Girl you don't have to worry about money with me. I got you. You want McDonald's or something?"
"I guess I could eat McDonald's."
"You're going to if you want to get high. I won't give you any dope if you don't eat."
"Aw, what! That's fucked up. You sound like a dad. A tweaker dad," I said with a laugh.
"Oh, no, no don't call me your dad. That's weird."
"Hah, why? It's not like we're fuckin' or anything. Plus you are just as old as my dad, so."
He looked out the window for a minute and shook his head.
"Just go get a burger or something, damn."
I drove to McDonald's and he bought a bag of dollar burgers and some fries. We sat in the parking lot where he made me eat, even though the idea of it made me cringe. Everything was tasteless to me. Food just never tasted the same while I was using. I managed to get down enough food to make him happy, then we left to go get some stuff done for him.
He had me go to several houses where I stayed in the car while he ran in and came back out with either cash or dope. After hours of taking him around town, he finally decided on where we could go to stay while we were banned from Troy's house.
"This is my family. My real family. They will let us hang around for a while and as long as you're with me, you can come in."
We pulled up to our final destination. An old, white, two-story house in the middle of the most run-down part of the town I've ever seen. I parked my car behind an old half-painted car and followed him to the door. He let himself in and I could hear cheers of people happy to see him. I stood awkwardly in the doorway, unsure if I should just follow him into this stranger's house.
He turned around and motioned me to come inside. I slowly walked in, looking down at the floor, just in case something was going on that I wasn't supposed to see.
"This is Emily, she's a real good friend of mine. We got kicked out of Troy's house and she was staying with them, so she's with me now. Emily, this is Drake"
I looked up and shyly smiled at the two people who were looking at me. We were in their living room, where it looked like they had an entire chemistry lab set up on a coffee table. Drake was a skinny tattooed man with black hair and a headlamp, trying to solder something together and there was a tiny woman on the end of the couch who smiled at me, then went back to being engrossed in her phone.
Drake looked up and smiled a toothless grin.
"Got yourself a pretty one this time Levi!" he said as he took the head lamp off.
"Nah, it's not like that."
"Oh bull shit, I know how you are."
I looked down awkwardly, a little concerned about Levi now, but I shook it off.
"Y'all come sit down, tell me where you've been!"
Levi took a seat on the love seat and I sat down next to him. He told him all about jail time and what he's been up to since he got out. Without skipping a beat, he pulled a pipe from his pocket and began smoking it. He passed it to me and I eagerly took a long hit. I was dying to smoke, but I didn't say anything earlier since I had nothing to give in return.
As I was taking another hit, I saw two people coming downstairs from behind me. Out of the corner of my eye, they just looked like kids, so I quickly sat the pipe down on the couch between us and held my breath until the smoke was absorbed in my lungs.
"Hey, look who's here! It's your uncle Levi!"
They looked up, unamused, and sat on the couch across from me. It wasn't kids, but they had to be teenagers. There was a young man with dark hair, and a young woman with long black hair. I assumed it was the man's kids. I know there was meth on the table and paraphernalia everywhere, but surely they didn't do this too... Not his own kids.
"Hey Levi, how've you been?" said the younger man who seemed at least a little excited to see him.
"Been alright, staying out of trouble?"
"Man, I just got out of jail, I've been trying to lay low."
"Again? You gotta do better than that."
"Whatever," he said as he grabbed a glass pipe from the table and lit it.
I was confused and concerned. He didn't look like he was even 18 yet. He looked so young, but here he is talking about getting out of jail and smoking meth. I watched as he passed the pipe to his sister, who looked even younger than him. My heart broke. I knew they were young. I knew they were family. The whole family was on meth... How could you just allow your own children to go down this road?
It was stressing me out, so I slowly picked up the pipe I had laid down and took another hit before passing it to Levi. He kept talking to Drake while I zoned out on everything happening around me. The whole situation was a lot to take in.
"I'll be right back," said Levi as the two men and the woman on the couch got up and walked into an adjacent room and shut the door.
It was just me and the other two sitting there in silence. There was music playing on the TV, but no one said anything for a while. I tapped my fingers together while I stared at the floor, waiting for Levi to come back. I hated being left alone in places I wasn't familiar with.
"So who are you? Levi's girlfriend?"
I looked up to see the young man talking to me.
"Oh, no, no, I'm not his girlfriend. Just his friend. I'm Emily. I'm just tagging along for a while. Got kicked out of where we were staying, so... yeah."
"I hear that. You wanna smoke?"
"Yeah, sure!"
I got up and sat closer to him so we could pass the pipe around. The girl got up and moved to the floor. She looked annoyed by me being there, which made me a little uncomfortable.
"So how do you know my uncle?" he said as he exhaled a cloud of smoke.
"He just showed up at my friend's house with a stolen truck and a boat one day and he just hung around for a while and we got to know each other. I haven't really known him that long though. Just a couple of weeks."
"Right on. So, I'm Justin, this is my sister Trina."
"Nice to meet y'all."
"You just smoke, snort, bump, or what?"
"I just smoke and snort it..." I paused for a moment. I don't know what came over me, but I told him that I bumped it too. But that I wasn't good at it, so I just smoked.
I covered my face with my hands, realizing what I just said. Why would I say that out loud? I mean, I was tired of being left out and my curiosity was growing about what it would be like to shoot up, but what if he pulled out a needle right now? What is Levi came out and saw it? What if he asked me to do it? I didn't know what I was doing.
"I'm pretty good at it if you ever want help or anything. Just let me know."
"Oh... cool, thanks."
At that moment, I made a decision. I was going to try shooting up, and I would somehow find a way to get him to do it for me. That is if we stayed around here long enough. I knew what I saw with Ty and his ex, I knew the horror stories, I heard all the warnings and I saw Gio lose his mind, but the curiosity really got the best of me. I had spoken it into existence, so I felt like I had to make it true now.
Levi, Drake, and the other woman came out and sat back down with us. They were all smiling and laughing. As Levi sat down, I noticed a little trickle of blood down his arm. They went in there to shoot up. I started to get angry because I was being left out. I had to find a way into their world. I wanted to, now more than ever. I was going to make it happen.
We stayed at their house all day and into the night. I got to know Justin better and Trina finally got out of her jealous stage and talked to me too. Turns out they were invited to a huge house party tonight with their older brother and asked me to go with them. I decided to take them because all Levi was doing was bullshitting about different things at their house and it got boring real quick.
It was a little after 11:00 when we piled in my car and drove to a part of town I had never seen before. We pulled up to a huge, three-story house. There were people outside drinking, music blaring, and bright lights shining through all the windows.
As I followed them up the steep driveway, I noticed that everyone there looked a lot older than us. Maybe in their 30's or so, but we were definitely the young ones. We walked into a huge, nearly empty living room where people were standing around talking, kissing, and playing games on a huge TV that was sitting on the floor. Trina lead the way through the crowd where everyone looked at me as I passed by with almost a hatred in their eyes. None of these people looked like us; like junkies. Maybe they knew, and they didn't want us here.
It was like when Brittany drug me to the apartment. I just kept my head down until we made it into one of the bedrooms. We walked in to see their older brother lying in bed, smoking a joint, with two women laying on him half-dressed. The lights were dimmed and several black lights were turned on. They had hotboxed the room and a thick fog filled it from floor to ceiling.
"Hey, I didn't think you'd show up. You want a hit?"
He held out a joint to Trina who sat on the edge of the bed but denied his offer.
"Oh, that's right, not your drug of choice," he said mockingly.
"Fuck off, Joe."
"Who's she?" he asked, gesturing in my direction.
"Oh, nobody. Levi's girlfriend or whatever."
I rolled my eyes. I don't know why everyone assumed I was his girlfriend, because I wasn't. He was in his 40's and I was only 23. The whole thing just felt weird to even think about.
I stood against the wall next to Justin who seemed just as enthusiastic as me to be here. I glanced around the room trying to find anything to hold my interest while I was here. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. There was some guy in the corner playing on an old Nintendo 64, Trina was sitting in a chair on her phone, and there was nearly a threeway happening on the bed in front of me. I just stared at the floor, thinking about going outside for a cigarette.
"Hey," Justin leaned in and whispered, "You want to get high real quick?"
"Yeah, it's better than being in here."
"Joe, can we use your bathroom real quick?" he asked.
He looked confused for a second but looked like he finally understood and nodded.
I followed Justin across the room into the master bathroom. As he closed the door, I noticed several spoons on the counter and a jar full of new syringes. My heart started racing. This was it. It was going to happen. Right here, right now.
I didn't say anything, but Justin knew what he was doing. Or he looked like he did. He pulled out a bag of shards from his pocket and cleaned a spoon off, putting just a little water in it and sitting it down. I watched as he put a few shards in the spoon and mixed it up until it dissolved. He grabbed two syringes from the counter and filled them halfway.
"You want me to help you?" he asked.
I nodded. I knew what was happening and I was nervous. So nervous I couldn't even voice a yes. He told me to sit on the toilet and hold my arm up. He looked at my arm, feeling for veins.
"Where do you usually hit yourself at?"
Oh God, I had no idea what to say. I couldn't even see the veins in my arms. I panicked and just told him on my wrist because It's hard to get my arm. He seemed content with that answer and told me to lay my arm on the counter.
As I put my arm down, I watched him take the needle and shove it in my wrist. It didn't hurt. I didn't really know what to expect, but honestly, I was scared. My mind was racing. What if I had a heart attack? What would Troy think? What would Levi think? Or Gio? Or anyone? I watched as the clear liquid slowly went into my wrist. He finished and sat it down.
I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel high. I felt the same. I was really disappointed, then I realized my wrist was super swollen, It was HUGE. It looked like someone put an egg under my skin. Was this normal? I didn't ask, so I just kind of hid it. I started to feel hot all over, so I assumed that that was part of it.
He turned around and did his dose, and we walked out of the bathroom. Joe was laying in the bed still but Trina was nowhere to be seen.
"Did you just..." Joe nodded and Justin nodded back. Joe shook his head disapprovingly. "Well did you at least clean up?"
"Yeah, it's in the trash." He turned to me and looked around, "you want to go outside for a cigarette or something?"
"Sounds good to me."
We walked through the house, still getting stared at until we made it out and back to my car where I shared a cigarette with him. I still felt hot all over and started feeling a little high, but it was nothing I expected.
"You good? I haven't been doing it very long. No one else knows actually, and I'd never done it for someone else, but I know how to do it on myself."
"Yeah, I'm great. Thanks for helping me."
I looked down at my still massively swollen wrist. I was sure that that wasn't normal, but I'd just look it up later.
We decided to head back to his house and leave Trina behind. She had text Justin and told him she had a ride. The house party wasn't really our style, and I feel like he felt just as out of place as I did, so I was happy to leave.
I spent the rest of the night and the following morning in their living room, watching the same 30 music videos play over and over while I sat on my phone. Levi was passed out in the recliner. I was rubbing my wrist, trying to get the swelling to go away so he wouldn't see it when he woke up. I never did look up if that was normal or not, but I'd try again some other day just to see if I felt the same. Maybe I could bring it up to Levi? Maybe he wouldn't be upset. How would I do it though?
I had all night to think of a plan. I'd figure it out. I had to know if this was right or not, and I'd find a way to figure it out.
To be continued...
So let me start by saying that it was NOT right at all. He missed the vein and shot 55cc's of meth under my skin. First of all, 55cc's probably would have thrown me into cardiac arrest. I only ever did 40 at my worst and started out at 15 and that was a lot to begin with.
Turns out, he had never shot up anyone or himself either. That will be in next week's chapter. He was just as clueless as I was. Now, typically, when you miss it will burn like hell and hurt like nothing you've ever felt before. And my wrist was HUGE, I mean, it really looked like a small egg was under my skin. That's the best way I know how to describe it. I was already so high that I couldn't feel a thing, which is crazy because I missed once, a very tiny bit, and God did it hurt. Had he actually hit the vein he was trying to, it would have likely killed me because it was an artery! God was I stupid... I really feel like someone or something was looking out for me through this whole thing...
Also, Justin was 19, almost 20 and Trina was only 17. To think that their own parents were letting them get high is heartbreaking. Who knows how long they have been doing it or how it started.
As for Levi's mom, she's such a sweetheart! I did get to meet her a few times, even after I left the game. I never really did find out which "group" she was a part of, but I had a good idea.
The next few chapters are going to be a whirlwind. There are some people that I can not, and will not say who they are associated with, just know they are really bad people... I was really getting myself in deep and I'm thankful I got out of all of it.