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Hey everyone! I apologize sincerely for not being able to keep this going every Sunday, but life is hectic! For my new readers, hello & thank you for taking the time to read my story! If you don't know, I am a mother of four working full time while taking care of my grandparents and life gets busy! My only chance to write is late at night on a Saturday. I don't get to do this full time, but maybe one day I will! Thanks to everyone for hanging in there with me this past year and for your understanding and support through all the ups and downs.
If you didn't see my previous post on my Facebook page, this will be the last chapter for at least two weeks as we are moving! I will be doing a lot of moving and setting up by myself and I have to take all the time I can get to us settled in before I can start blogging again. I will keep the Facebook page updated and let you all know ahead of time when I will be writing again. Hopefully, two weeks is long enough to get everything set up and our internet transferred over.
Thanks again for everything. Your support means the world to me.
🔴 TRIGGER WARNING - DRUG USE 🔴
Levi had some loose ends to tie up, so I let him drive my car around town while I sat in the passenger seat trying to find a way to tell him what happened last night. I didn't know if he'd be upset or just tell me to go home or what. I was nervous, but I had to tell him something. More or less because I really wanted to know what this was really supposed to be like. There was no way that what I felt last night was what they told me about. If that were the case, I'd just keep smoking.
"So what did y'a'll go do last night?" asked Levi as he pulled up to a stoplight.
"Oh, um, we went to some kind of house party. It was weird, I didn't really care for it."
"A party?"
"Yeah, but it was just strange. I don't know how to explain it."
"Hm, do you didn't have fun?"
"No, not really. I mean, Justin and I got high and left. That was about all we did."
"They let you smoke there? Tweakers don't party, so I'm just curious."
I was silent. My heart was racing and I knew this was the time to tell him. I didn't think it would be so easy to bring it up, but here was my opportunity. I looked out of the window for a second, then looked back at Levi who was starting to look concerned.
"Emily, you were smoking, right?"
"I... Well..."
"Oh my god. Let me see your arm."
I held out my arm and he looked it up and down, but just shook his head.
"Emily, did you smoke it when you got high last night?"
"No," I said as I looked down.
"Fucking Christ! Troy is going to kill me. Emily! You told me you wouldn't! Who did it?"
"Justin."
"He doesn't even shoot up! What do you mean?"
"I saw him do it, so yeah, he does."
"God damnit."
He looked over at me with the saddest look on his face. I felt like I let him down, but it was relieving to tell him. He didn't say anything for a while and kept on driving.
"Did you like it?"
"Eh, not really, but I don't know if he did it right honestly."
"What did it feel like?"
"Like nothing. I felt nothing different. I mean, I started to get hot, but I didn't even feel high."
"He missed. I'll do it. I'll do it for you, but don't tell Troy, understand? He thinks a lot of you and if he found out that you're shooting up or that I helped you, he'd kill us both."
"You'll do it for me? Really?"
"Yeah. I knew you'd start doing it anyways. I saw how much you were smoking. It was only a matter of time. Besides, I'm good at it and I want you to be with me the first time. I can keep you safe if anything happens."
"Oh... Okay, thanks. I guess."
"You aren't going to want to go back, but it's already too late. You'll like it. I know you will," he said with a smirk.
As the day went on, I was getting more and more excited to really find out what it was like. We didn't talk about it anymore after that though. I just sat in the car, playing on my phone while he went from house to house to buy this or sell that. By the time he was done, the sun had already set.
He drove to Walmart and parked under one of the light poles where there wasn't anyone else around. As soon as he stopped the car, he reached into his backpack and pulled out two syringes. My heart started to race again with anticipation of what was about to happen. I watched as he carefully got them both setup, this time putting much less in mine than Justin did last night.
"Okay, give me your arm."
I laid my arm out in front of him. He felt around for a good vein near my inner elbow, then pulled the cap off of the syringe.
"Are you ready?"
"Yeah. Don't you need more light though? It's still kind of dark in here."
"I got this. Okay, you don't have to watch if you don't want to. Just trust me. You're about to feel like you've never felt before. But if it starts to hurt, tell me. You shouldn't feel anything until I'm done."
I didn't look away. I watched as he carefully pushed the needle under my skin and pulled the plunger back slowly. He did it a few times, then I saw blood come up. He paused for a second, then with a shaky hand, he slowly pushed it in until it was gone. He looked up at me as he pulled it out and threw the syringe in the back seat.
"How do you feel?"
How did I feel? I still didn't feel much of a difference, and honestly, it was a little disappointing.
"I feel good," I said, then I started feeling it more. I started getting hot. Really hot. Then I felt it in my chest a little bit, then I started to feel awake. Like the first time I ever got high. I didn't feel like I was on meth, I just felt awake and a little hyper.
He did one for himself and smiled at me when he was done. He sat there for a minute, taking off his own hoodie, then started the car and fled the parking lot.
"Where are we going now?" I asked as I propped my feet up on the dashboard, trying to notice any other differences in the way I felt.
"I got a place we can go to. It's one of the houses I own. Let's stop there for a minute, then we'll go to a friend's house. One where you can actually come in."
"Sure, sounds good to me."
I had no idea what his plans were, I was just going along for the ride. He drove us out of town and kept driving into the night until we passed through another town I was unfamiliar with. Eventually, we pulled down a long dirt driveway and up to three trailers all sitting close together. Each one abandoned with broken cars and appliances littering the yard.
"Follow me," he said as he killed the lights. He walked over to my side of the car and took my hand. It was incredibly dark, but he seemed to know where he was going. I had no idea what he was doing, but I still followed along.
We walked up to the porch of one of the trailers and he opened the door. Still holding my hand, he led me through the trailer. I could feel piles of stuff all around me. He walked me through a very narrow hallway and into a room, where somehow he found a bed.
"Sit down," he said.
I sat down cautiously. I had no idea what I was sitting on or what was around me, I'm sure it was something awful, but I tried not to think about it. Suddenly, he pushed me down in the bed and started to take my pants off. It all made sense now, and I was far from prepared for what was happening. I was too high to care anyways.
"Do you want this?" he asked quietly as he lifted my shirt.
"Sure," I said unenthusiastically.
Did I? I mean, not really but I'd try to make the best out of the situation I was in. It was kind of weird, I mean, He's twice my age. He wasn't like Trevor though. At least he asked. I didn't feel threatened or anything. Levi actually made me feel safe. I knew I could say no, but I just went with it. I just closed my eyes and kept my thoughts elsewhere until it was all over with.
As he got up, I reached over to grab my glasses that had fallen, but I couldn't find them. I felt all over the bed, and the bed was up against a wall. I heard something fall, but I had no idea where it fell or what it was.
"Dude, I can't find my glasses."
"Oh shit, hang on I have a flashlight."
He grabbed a light from his pocket and searched all over. I can't see a foot in front of my face, and this time I was pretty grateful for that. He looked and looked, but they were nowhere to be found.
"They are probably under the house. I'll have to get them tomorrow morning."
"What do you mean under the house? How the hell did they get under the house from in the house?"
"This place is falling apart. I guarantee you they are under the house."
"Wow, so you get me high to fuck me in a trash heap of a house, huh? Very romantic, I must say."
"This was the only place I had to go!"
"You didn't even tell me why we were coming here, so."
"Well, I'll make it up to you next time."
I cringed at the thought of a next time. Luckily, he couldn't see the face I made. He led me out of the house and to the car. I felt disoriented not being able to see anything. It was frustrating because I felt out of control. I couldn't drive, I couldn't see, and I didn't even know where we were.
He didn't drive very far from wherever we were when he pulled up to another house. I could see lights, so I assumed someone at least lived here. He got out and took my hand so I could follow him inside.
"Levi! I haven't seen you in ages, how are you, honey? Who's your friend?"
I heard an older woman, but I could barely see her until she walked up to us. She had long, curly grey hair, wore a pink nightgown and obnoxiously fuzzy slippers.
"This is Emily, she's just hanging out with me for a while."
"It's nice to meet you sweetheart!"
"Nice to meet you too," I said, hoping I was looking her in the eyes at least and not off to the side looking like a blind person or something.
She had us sit down on her couch while they caught up. She went on and one about her dogs and her chicken farm. Everything she was saying went in one ear and out the other. I was too high to try and pay attention to whatever she was saying. And since I couldn't see anything, I had no idea if she was a junkie like us or if she was just some sweet older lady that Levi knew.
It felt like hours had passed as I sat there, staring at the TV, unable to see what was going on. I lost focus of their conversation until I heard Levi say she could take my car. I looked over at him confused, wondering what he put me up to now.
"Take my car where?"
"To Walmart. She needs to get some dog food, do you mind?"
"I, uh, well I guess not, but I can't drive without my glasses. I can't see shit right now."
"That's okay honey, I can drive! I'm a great driver, I promise. I just really need to get some food for my dogs, I promise I won't take long. I don't get out to the store often because my engine went out in my car. In and out, I promise."
"Sure," I said reluctantly, "that's fine."
I didn't like the idea of someone I didn't know driving my car while I'm not even able to see a damn thing, but I was a sucker for helping people, even if it meant hurting me. I handed her my keys and we headed out to the car.
She drove like a bat out of hell and scared the shit out of me, but thankfully we made it to our destination. She talked endlessly about her dogs, many times repeating the same thing over and over. I felt a little bad for her because it seemed like she didn't get to talk to anyone very often.
She ran inside for what seemed like hours. I sat anxiously in the car, waiting to see any sign of her showing back up. After a long 30 minutes, she finally came out with three huge bags of dog food and a bag full of snack cakes.
As she drove back to her house, I realized it was 5:00 in the morning. The night had passed so quickly, I didn't even realize that it was morning already. Honestly, I just wanted to go home for a while. I was frustrated and exhausted, but I couldn't leave until I found my glasses. I started to feel helpless once again.
She eventually got back to her house and I was thankful that I could finally stop listening to her dog stories. I love dogs, but if I had to hear about her elderly dog Herman having to get shots again, I think I was going to lose it.
I carefully walked inside and found Levi sleeping on the couch. I still didn't see how he could get high and fall asleep like that. I sat down and played on my phone while she was outside taking care of her animals. As I was scrolling through Facebook, I got a call from my grandma. I was scared to answer, but I hadn't talked to her in days. I knew she would be worried.
"Hello?"
"Emily, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, just tired. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, when are you coming home?"
"Soon hopefully."
"What do you mean?"
"I lost my glasses outside last night and I'm waiting for the sun to come up so I can go look for them."
"Well, I need you to come home, please. I have to go to the store, we're almost out of food and my car is out of gas."
"Okay, I'll be there as quickly as I can, but it might be a minute. I have no idea where my glasses are and I can't drive without them."
"Call me as soon as you find them and head this way. You really need to come home. The boys miss you."
"I know... I miss them too."
"Well, let me know. I love you. Please stay safe."
"I will, I love you too."
The thought of my boys being home, probably asking multiple times a day where I was really got to me. I wanted to get high and escape the feelings I knew were coming, but I didn't want to ask Levi because he'd just want to bump it again.
I shook him awake and we were able to sneak out before she caught us again to go on another 4-hour story. The sun was just high enough for him to have enough light to look around. I sat in the car and he got out and searched inside the house again, but came up empty-handed.
After crawling around under the house for a while, he came back up with my glasses. I was so thankful to have them back. As I put them on, I realized how bad of a place it was. One half of the house didn't even have siding, just falling off insulation. After taking a good look, I knew I was going right home to take a shower.
"Thank you for getting my glasses back. I've got to go home for a bit though. My grandma has to take my car to the store. Um, can you at least get the syringes and shit out though?"
"Of course. If you can just go drop me off at Drake's house, that'll be great."
"Yeah, no problem. But let's not come back here again. I've heard enough dog stories for the next 20 years."
"No problem," he said with a laugh.
We drove back to town and I dropped him off and finally headed home. The kids were still asleep when I got there, but I was just happy with familiarity. I hugged my grandma tight before she left. I told her I'd stay here for a while. I promised her I wouldn't leave. I knew that I wasn't confident in my word, but I couldn't tell her I was only here until I had to get high again. I just couldn't do it to her. Well, not to her face.
I sat down on the living room couch and smiled. I was happy to be home. The feeling quickly left and tears started pouring. I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so badly, but I knew it was a matter of hours before I left again for who knows how long. Why couldn't I just make myself stay? I knew I wanted to. God, I wanted to more than anything. The dope kept reeling me in though.
It seemed like the closer I stayed to home, the further I really went.
To be continued...
Thank you all for reading! The next chapter may not be up until the first week of May, but I will keep you posted! Also, I never knew the lady's name, but my god could she talk about dogs. Seriously, hours on hours of her dogs. Had I written some of the conversations I remember, this chapter would be an hour long!
Another thing, Levi missed most of the shot when he shot me up. So at this point, I still really didn't know what to expect as far as shooting up. Third time's a charm though, right? Eh, unfortunately, that was the case here.
Until next time!