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🔴TRIGGER WARNING - DRUG USE🔴
"Days are passing quickly. Nights and mornings blend in. Time in nonexistent when I'm high. [...] I took a drug lord for a deal in [Little Rock] last night. Smoked meth out of a light bulb. I've lost over 20 pounds. I don't eat. I don't drink. I can't talk to people. Idk when I even took a shower last. I'm always 'gone'. My eyes are huge. Why am I doing this? Is this really what I want? I start school in 2 days... I'm so high... I don't like this high. Why am I doing this..."
    - Journal Entry, August 2014
 My hands were frozen on the steering wheel. Three people stood before me, each with a rifle in their hands, pointed at us. They looked like zombies. Tall, skinny, dirty, ripped clothes and messy hair.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?!" a woman shouted.
"It's D Fucking Money!" Shouted Ethan. The guns lowered. Two men walked away, shaking their heads and the woman's expression changed from rage to shock.
"Goddamnit D! What the fuck are you doing out here? Why you gotta scare us like that, you know we're cooking! Damn near got your head blown off!" She walked up to the car. I was still too terrified to move. Seconds ago I thought I was going to die. So he knows these people? Why would he have done this, I thought.
He laughed, "Man, I haven't seen you in a minute! What's good?" He asked as he hopped out of the car. I put it in park in the middle of the dirt driveway and just sat there.
They talked for a moment before the woman noticed me sitting in the car.
"Who's that? Why did you bring her here?"
"Oh, that's Emily. She's good people, she just took me to reup, don't worry about her." He said as he turned to me. "Hey, come follow me. And turn your headlights out."
I shut the car off and followed him into the dark. There was a dim light coming from a steel shipping container. They walked up a few cinder blocks and into the container, so I followed. I walked in to see old rusty cans, glass tubes from what looked like a lab set, gas cans, and used needles.
It was all so overwhelming. I didn't know where I was, I barely knew the guy I was with and there was no way I could leave. I felt trapped and scared. I just stood there staring at the floor.
"Sit down or somethin', you're making me paranoid." Said Ethan. He pointed to an old broken lawn chair next to him. I walked over to sit down and watched as the small, red-haired woman was putting meth into a broken light bulb. Well, it wasn't broken, but the metal part had been torn open and the insides have been ripped out. It was black on the bottom like it had been burnt.
She grabbed a small red straw and put it in the lightbulb. I watched her hold it ever so carefully as she took a lighter and held the bulb over it. Just like the pipes before, the crystals melted down into a perfectly clear liquid. She used the straw to smoke from the lightbulb and passed it to Ethan.
It made more sense now that he had asked me about lightbulbs. I never imagined you could smoke anything out of one.
He passed it to me. I held it awkwardly and looked at him.
"What? I'm not your baby sitter?" He said. "Wait, have you ever smoked form a bulb?"
I shook my head.
"Damn, how long have you been doing this?"
"Two weeks," I said.
He almost dropped everything he had. He had a look of pure shock on his face. "Two weeks? Two fucking weeks and...damn. Two weeks?" He was in disbelief. "Man, I'm sorry. You don't know anything about this, do you?"
I shook my head again. I felt like a child. At that moment I was holding back tears as hard as I possibly could. My chest hurt and I just wanted to cry and go home. I felt so out of my element.
"Yo Jane, you hear that? She's only been on this shit for 2 weeks!" He said to the woman.
She laughed. "Aw, you just a baby. I've been doing this shit for 20 years! And I'm only 27!" She laughed again. "you'll figure it all out, baby girl. You ain't ready for this life."
Ethan looked at me again. "Oh, here, let me show you how to do this. Hold the bulb at the top, okay? Never let the straw touch the glass. It'll melt and fuck it all up. Just hold the lighter under like you do a regular pipe. Got it?"
I tried to hold onto the bulb and the straw, but I didn't know how to hold the lighter. "Um, I haven't lit a pipe before," I said quietly.
"Has Matt been doing all this shit for you?"
"Yeah. He won't let me do it on my own."
"Fuck him, here let me help you."
He held the lighter for me as I watched the huge glass bulb swirl with white smoke. He put the lighter down and up the straw it went leaving the liquid inside to dry into snowflake patterns again.
Between eating it and smoking it, I felt overwhelmingly high and started getting scared that I couldn't come down, let alone stand up out of my seat. The light bulb was passed back and forth for an hour or so before they decided to stop. They were going on about what they've been doing and who's in jail. All I could think about was the way my clothes felt on my skin. I was incredibly uncomfortable. They started to make me feel claustrophobic and itchy, but I felt frozen and unable to move. I felt like I was in hell.
They finally got up and led me out of the container and walked back to my car. Walking felt strange, like my legs were 10 feet long and the leaves, rocks, and sticks felt like brittle glass.
Jane and Ethan finally said their goodbyes and we left. I was so overjoyed that we were able to finally leave that I couldn't hold my tears back anymore and started crying.
Ethan must have noticed me. Although I was crying silently, the tears were falling down my face at a rapid pace.
"Hey, I'm sorry if I freaked you out. I didn't know that you were so new to this. I've known them since I was a baby. They're like family to me. And if you're with me, they won't hurt you."
"It's fine. I'm fine. I just want to go home."
"Heard. Just drop me off a street down from where you got me. And I won't leave you dry. I got you hooked up for taking me."
"What? I didn't expect anything." I said.
"You really took me all the way out there and didn't expect anything?"
"Yeah. I just... I just like to help people."
"Man... you really don't belong in the game, but I appreciate you." He said.
We drove back into town. The sun was going to start to rise in an hour. I wanted to make it home before anyone knew I was gone all night.
We pulled up to the entrance of the neighborhood I picked him up at.
"Here, I told you I wouldn't leave you dry." He handed me a small bag with happy faces on it, with a huge crystal in it."Thanks again, I'll see you later."
He jumped out and started walking away into the dark. I held the little bag in my hand. I never had my own before. It was always Matt's or Michael's. What do I do? I don't have a pipe.
I put it in my back pocket and headed home. I was finally headed home. I just wanted to see my kids. I wanted to hold them close and never let go.
I was scared though. Could I stop? Maybe I should just throw the bag out of the window and be done. I rolled the window down and reached into my back pocket.
To be continued...
N O T E S
So, give or take on the two weeks, but I did tell him 2 weeks in this situation. It wasn't a month yet, I know that for sure. And yes, these things really happened. This is all true to my life's experiences.
I put a picture below of my journal entry I wrote after I came home that night, the one at the beginning of this story. I will continue to show my entries and pictures I drew, and pictures I took while using if I have them.
If you can read my handwriting, falling into the mirror means you look at yourself and basically wig out (freak out) on yourself. You obsess over your hair or one spot on your face or doing your makeup or something along those lines, and you can't pull yourself away from it for hours at a time, no matter how uncomfortable you get. Also, I use the word "gone" as a term for being extremely high. Gone is when you're so high, you are starting to see or hear things, or generally not coming down for 2 or 3 days.
