Welcome to the jungle

🔴TRIGGER WARNING - DRUG USE🔴

Matt was in the front seat of my car smoking a bowl while we were driving through town, trying to find our next high. I didn't know what day it was, but I knew it was getting late. Time had seemed to pass slowly and quickly at the same time.

The sun was starting to set, we were coming down off of our last high, and all we knew was that we needed to get high again. I didn't have any money, and neither did he. Matt told me before that money doesn't always buy dope. I couldn't think of any other way to make that happen, but he knew about this lifestyle more than I did.

"Stop at McDonald's so I can plug in my phone. I think I got a hook up. But I don't know if he's home," Matt said as he exhaled a cloud of smoke. I was praying a cop wouldn't pull us over because my car reeked of weed.

We pulled into the parking lot and sat inside away from everyone else. I sat there nervously, wondering if we'd be asked to leave if we didn't buy anything. I couldn't bear the thought of eating, but I felt like I should buy something. While Matt was on his phone, I checked my purse compulsively. Over and over, in and out of every pocket. I knew there wasn't any money, but I couldn't stop. I was hoping something may magically appear before they kick us out.

"Okay, I want you to take me to dudes house, but you can't park in front of it. His mom wigs out when people come over."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever I need to do, I'm down," I said. We got up from the old plastic bench and got back into the car.

We drove just a few blocks away. Street lights seemed to come on one by one as we were passing them. I felt paranoia creep in once again. "Was someone keeping tabs on us?" I thought. No, there was no way someone could rig the street lights. I tried to back myself out of the panic in my head.

We pulled into a beautiful neighborhood. We passed huge brick houses with a new car in almost every driveway. There was no way I was in the right area. Tweakers and drug dealers live in the projects, right?

"Pull up to this house and turn all of the lights off. Don't move. I'll be right back." I parked in front of a three story house with not a single light on. Matt jumped out of the car, carefully closing the door so he didn't have to slam it. He ran behind me, through a few yards and disappeared. I was scared of parking in front of someones house I didn't know. Scared they'd come ask me to move, I didn't know where I'd go or how Matt would find me. 

I looked around as far as I could see in the darkness. Many of the houses had tall columns and lush gardens. You could tell this wasn't the neighborhood to sell drugs.

"Why the hell are we here?" I thought to myself. Maybe he ran over a few blocks?

I sat there for what felt like almost an hour before I saw him coming back. Someone else was following him.

"Yeah man, she will take you. No problem!" I heard Matt say. He came up to my window. "Hey, so you're going to take Ethan to Little Rock. He's got to reup and he doesn't have a ride." 

A young looking man waved at me from behind Matt. He looked familiar, but I couldn't see him very well.

"Um, yeah, okay." I said, but it wasn't okay. I needed to go home. I wanted to be home by the morning to be with my kids. I missed them so much. Here lately I'd gotten so caught up in getting high that I'd forget to even call for a day or two sometimes. I don't know when I heard their voices last. I could feel heartache coming on, but was soon dulled out. I was almost incapable of any negative feelings anymore. As much as I loved it, I hated it too.

"Cool, he's good people. He'll take care of you," Matt said as he patted the side of the car and ran off down the road again.

Ethan jumped right in and looked over at me. 

"Hey, I remember you. You brought him up to Jake's house the other week." He was the guy who came up to my window asking who I was. He looked exactly the same. Bandanna under his snapback, another bandanna around his neck and a basketball jersey. He wore several chains around his neck too, "Call me D-Money."

"Oh, okay." There was an awkward pause.

"Yo, thank you for taking me, I really appreciate it." He said.

"Yeah man, no problem. Where am I going?"

"Walmart in Little Rock. I got to meet the dopeman there. It'll be real quick, I promise."

I rolled my eyes. "We'll see about real quick," I said to myself. We circled around the neighborhood, went through town and out to the highway. He turned on the radio to some rap station. I hated rap with every inch of my being, but I was too scared to do anything about it, so I let it play. 

He pulled out a little bag from his pocket. 

"I thought you were out?" I asked.

"Nah, I got some, but not for him," He said with a smile. "This is for us." He looked over at me and grinned. "Stop at the next gas station, there's one right up the road."

I pulled into a shady looking gas station and parked the car.

"You want anything?" He asked.

I was surprised. He was some drug dealer guy and he was nice? "No thank you," I said.

"K, I'll be right back."

He walked in the store but left the whole bag of dope in the front seat, just laying there. I wanted to move it or hide it. If someone saw it, I'd go to jail. I just knew I would. I was too scared to move it though. What would he do if I touched his stuff? I didn't know this guy or what he was capable of doing. Thankfully, he came back quickly with a bag full of drinks and scratch offs.

"Here, you gotta stay hydrated on this shit," he said, handing me a bottle of water.

"Thanks" I said. My mouth was dry and my throat burned. I couldn't remember the last time I had anything to drink. Against my judgement, I drank the water. I was worried about upsetting him if I didn't. I didn't know why I was so worried about him. He showed no signs of being a mean person.

He had a large bottle of Pepsi and dropped a few shards down into it. I was confused. Why? He's wasting it!

"Just another way to get high," he said. I guess he saw the shocked look on my face. He pulled out a small, antique looking spoon from his pocket and grabbed a shard almost the size of my thumb. He sat it on the spoon and looked at it for a moment. He looked over at me and grinned. "Think you can eat it?"

What. The. Ever-loving. Fuck. Eat meth? What? "Yeah." I said nervously. I didn't want to tell him no. I was as confused as ever, but why not?

He laughed. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, just give it to me."

He handed me the spoon. It was no bigger than my pinky finger. I looked over at him, tilted my head back and dropped it into my mouth. It tasted metallic, but nothing I couldn't handle. I handed the spoon back as he stared at me in shock.

"Oh shit, you for real. How did you do that! That's crazy. You didn't even flinch!"

I smiled. "Yeah, I'm a bad ass, whats up."

"Damn, okay! That's what's up." He turned back on the music and we drove to Little Rock. He kept looking over at me smiling and shaking his head. I started to feel the effects of it creeping up into my chest, arms and legs. It wasn't like smoking it. It was a subtle high, but it worked nonetheless.

Ethan didn't say much on the way there, unless it was to give me directions. I was too nervous to say anything myself.

We finally pulled up to Walmart, where I was told to park up front.

"I got some shit to get, come with me."

I followed him into the store. He headed back to the light bulbs where he was taking his time to examine each one. He finally settled on a 2-pack of clear bulbs.

"You think these are good?" he asked.

"Uh, they look good to me," I said. Why the hell was he asking me about light bulbs? Did you use light bulbs to make dope? I had no idea what the relevance was, and I didn't want to ask.

We walked over to the isles full of school supplies. He started picking up little boxes and pencil pouches.

"Did you know if you have anything on you with a lock on it, the police can't open it without a warrant?" he said, examining a small metal pencil case.

"No, I didn't know that," I said.

I looked up to notice people looking at us. With Ethan looking like Fred Durst, and me looking damn near homeless, I couldn't blame them. Their stares were getting to me, though. I started fidgeting with the strings on my jacket.

Thankfully, he finally settled on a small metal box, and we headed to the check out and went back to the car. He told me to go wait in the car, so I did. Only a few minutes later, he came back.

"Okay, I got the hook up, lets go." 

"That quick?" I thought. From under his shirt, he pulled out what looked like a freezer bag full of meth. There were shards almost as big as my hand. I couldn't help but stare.

At this point, Ethan was pretty excited and he started opening up to me more, instead of staying quiet.

We were driving down the highway when he started to talk. "Man, this shit will take everything from you," he said. "I used to be a satellite tech. I'd get to climb on houses and shit. I loved it. It was my passion."

He went on about his previous work with the giddiness of a toddler with a new toy. I could tell he missed his old life. The smile he had looked genuine. Then, sadness overcame him and I saw tears in his eyes, glistening in the passing headlights.

"I lost her," he said.

Who he lost, I didn't know. Should I ask? His mood changed so fast, I wasn't sure what to do.

"I let her die. I let her fucking die," he said. He started crying harder. Sobbing. He bent over, head in his hands. At that moment, he looked like a lost child. He couldn't be much older than me. What had he gone through at such a young age?

"I remember coming back home and she was laying there on the couch. She didn't answer me. She didn't move. God damnit, I loved her so much," he said, still sobbing.

"I'm so sorry," I said as a reached out and put my hand on his back to comfort him. I didn't know what else to do, but it felt right. 

He didn't move or say a word. He just cried until he couldn't anymore. He told me she died of an over dose while he was at work one day. He blamed himself for her death. I couldn't imagine bearing the weight of that.

He pulled out a pipe, just like Matt's, but green. He leaned his seat back, took a few hits, and stopped crying. He looked out of the window.

"Man, I'm sorry you had to see that."

"It's okay. I understand," I said back to him. "We all have to let it out sometimes."

"Yeah. I don't know why I opened up to you. I feel comfortable around you." he said.

"I don't mind at all man. No judgement here."

We kept driving as he was rapping along to the songs on the radio.

"Pull down this next road," he said as he pointed to a dirt road with no street sign. "Okay, now drive up this driveway. Fast."

"Fast?!" I said scared.

"Yes. Do it."

I sped up as I turned down a small driveway in the woods. I saw flashlights and people running in our direction. Ethan hung his head out the window and yelled "I'm the fucking police, ya'll better get the fuck down!" 

I was stricken with fear, but I kept driving. We pulled up to an RV and a few steel shipping containers surrounding it. 

There were 3 people standing outside, all pointing guns at us.

To be continued...