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🔴 TRIGGER WARNING - DRUGS & STUFF 🔴
Once upon a time in the land of the Internet, there lived a meme of a feminist who was "triggered". It's made it's rounds for a while and has been laid to rest in the meme archives, but it made a joke of the term "triggered".
The definition of triggered is: (of a response) caused by particular action, process, or situation. Not "Karen's frozen latte is too cold so she asked for the manager, but they said they are the manager, and now she's triggered".
I use trigger warnings on my stories because it's not a joke to me. It's something I take seriously. If a trigger is bad enough, it can cause a relapse. I decided to make this little article to explain what my triggers are, how they affect me and other people and why trigger warnings are important.
My triggers are often smells, and physical touch, but it can be different for everyone. Just an hour or so ago, I had wiped off ketchup from the inside of my elbow that my kids got on me from their hot dogs and I had accidentally triggered myself and had a bad flashback.
After I'd shoot up, well, after my friend did it for me (I'll explain this later on) and he'd pull the needle out, I would lick my finger, hold it to the place he pulled the needle out and pull my arm up to stop the bleeding. When I had wiped my inner elbow, for a split second I went back to sitting on the edge of his bed feeling the rush of shooting up. It's a horrible place I don't want to think about. It's something so small that can cause a horrible spiral.
Another trigger is the smell of Acetone and Awesome cleaner. You use acetone while cooking meth. There was a girl at my previous job who sat next to me and cleaned her nails with acetone every morning. This was before anyone at my job knew about my past so I didn't say anything. I would sit there for an hour or so either about to cry, gritting my teeth, holding my nose or doing everything I could to think about anything but the thoughts coming to mind about using again. Thankfully she quit a few months later, but it was so, so bad for me. The smell reminds me of watching my friend make it ad running back and forth from his bedroom to the kitchen trying to help any way I could.
Awesome cleaner is just a general cheap household cleaner. I get to tell one of my favorite stories now! So, my friend would get really high and load up a huge container of bleach and Awesome and clean his walls. He'd just spray them down for hours. Not scrub them or anything, just spray them down. I walked out of my room because I heard some banging and I asked "What are you doing?". The response I got, in his gruff country voice was, "It's awesome!".
I said, "Excuse me?" He said "It's awesome. The cleaner." At that point, I was rolling laughing because this dude was serious as all get out spraying down these walls, and I thought he was just excited about it saying IT'S AWESOME!! But anyways, his house often smelled like the cleaner and it's very triggering to smell again. There is no one particular thing I remember when I smell it because so much happened there, which I will talk about in my story.
Having these thoughts and flashbacks has almost lead me to a relapse before. There has been times when it's been so bad that I tried huffing spray paint (yes, I know it's stupid) or crushed pills to snort to make the feelings of hopelessness stop and reach some kind of high again.
Triggers can make someone feel slightly uncomfortable, all the way to having a full relapse. They are different for everyone. Personally, I just feel despair, get depressed, emotional, or completely shut down. For others, they may drink to numb the pain, self harm, make reckless decisions, relapse, or even commit suicide.
I will always use trigger warnings even if I only mention it once in a simple statement like "I bought drugs". If you have a friend or loved one who ever admits to you that something is triggering to them, please be understanding and do your best to help them from being around the trigger. It is so much more than some internet meme.
But, I do enjoy memes, so here's my favorite one from the "Triggered" memes:
